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August 29, 2012

UPDATE FROM TAMPA:

The Dampness Down Below.

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I heard Bob Seger sing that at Madison Square Garden, Dave.

What? That was "The Fire Down Below"? Are you sure?

Never mind.

Seriously, holding the convention in Tampa. In August. Are they all brain dead? Oh, wait, they're all politicians. Never mind.

Terrible location. Conventions should always be held is Los Angeles or San Diego. The weather here seems to always be perfect.

They held a couple of Democratic conventions in New York without problems either, unless you consider negotiating through razor wire a problem, but then I think that's de rigeur these days.

And New York strippers cost more for a lap dance, I'd guess. Not that I'd know that personally.

Isn't " guam " some kind of southern auxiliary verb, as in " If anyone wants me, I guam to be in the back yard " ?

I've actually been to Guam three times. It's a beautiful place to visit. Unfortunately the average temperature is about 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Great article Dave!

One of the primary criteria for choosing a site for the convention is the prices hookers charge in your locale. Must be thrifty with our money, there is a recession going on you know.

I think we all need to go to Guam, just 'cause it's fun to say. Wingnut can check in advance the price of hookers.

One of the people I went to high school with joined the Navy (just in time for the war of 1812,) and he said that Guam was an acronym for Give Up And M...

This was a reference to the non-availability of young ladies, in case you're not immediately seeing what the M stands for.

I've always admired any pilot that could land a jet on Guam. It's tiny little speck in the ocean that you really don't see until you're right on top of it.

That's why pilots use radio guidance and GPSes.

Truly ribbeting story, Dave.

Wingnut:

Doesn't the not-secret-service vet hooker pricing and availability before site selection is finalized?

It's not so much that they can find it Elon, although I didn't make that clear, it's more that they can land on it safely. We flew into Guam when my brother was about 2 years old. The pilot descended too rapidly and my brother's eardrum ruptured. We got to see the emergency room at our next stop which was Hawaii!

I KNEW Dave was going to bid on Elvis' soiled undies.
Congratulations, Dave!
We'll all be over here, upwind.

Did they bring in TSA for the underwear checks?

Yes, the humidity is terrible. But the stripper to conventioneer ratio is outstanding.

You cannot successfully disguise Secret Service agents, because they are the ones arguing with the $800 hookers, which makes them easy to spot. Actual conventioneers never haggle with hookers. Haggle with Hookers probably would be a good name...

"It's tiny little speck in the ocean that you really don't see until you're right on top of it."
NC, which ocean is that? Any ocean that's too small to spot until you're on top of it is a mighty small ocean.

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