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August 23, 2012

FLATHEAD COUNTY: ANOTHER NAME FOR HELL

6:09 p.m. A Bigfork resident said that the Publishers Clearing House called. He doesn’t think it was really them.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Comments

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i'd be wary of the elderly woman in the straw hat.

" a collie was in their goat pen"
Some sheep are going to be in a boatload of trouble when the collie gets out.

Only one strange dog, but three partially-nude women - just doesn't sound like a regular day in Flathead County, does it?

"8:21 a.m. Someone on East Village Drive in Bigfork saw a red dog with a square head."

So this is where one can still get LSD 25. If one were still predisposed in this general direction.

2:22 p.m. A Whitefish woman reported that her landlord took her trailer and is hiding it from her.
Don't you just hate it when you come home from a long hard day at work just to find that some prankster is hiding your house?

Never mind the mules, I'll volunteer to keep one of the semi-nude women for the night.

This list sadly misses the Drug Store rage of Mr Benjamin Bamble (At Whitneys, Kalispel, cca 11:30 am) when refused refund for two packs of Trojan condoms he says he mistook for surgical gloves.

Curse you Cheesewiz, you made me think of the last line so I had to set the rest of the blotter to the song. It could use some work but I think I got the entire blotter in there.

One man's acting creepy
And one man's talking blue
And the one on Swan River trail
Don't make any sense at all

Go ask Alice
If she's raided your fridge

And if a collie's in the goat pen
And your landlord's hidden your trailer
Tell 'em a straw hat wearing old lady
Is causing you to call

Ask Alice
If she found a stolen statue


Where the men on the telephone
Call up from Publisher's Clearing House
And you've just seen three ladies
Swimming partial nude

Go ask Alice
I think she'll know

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And two mules are in your front yard
And the red dog has a square head

Remember what the dormouse said
"You're in Flathead, you're in Flathead"


*holds up lighter and joint for max*

Groovy, dude.

I guess the guy knew it wasn't the real Publishers Clearinghouse when the caller said he was Ed McMahon.

"Now in the street, there is violence
And lots of work to be done
No place to hang out my washing
And I can't blame all on the sun"

...stated elderly lady with straw hat on Electric Avenue


9:01 a.m. A woman claimed that a man wearing silky blue shorts is often sitting on the bike path, chain smoking. She said he attempted to talk to her and it gave her a bad feeling.

-Ode to 'That man':

Trailer for sale or rent?
Whitefish woman: "Where'd it went??"
Phone foolin', squarehead pets,
Chainsmokin' cigarettes...
Ah but, two standin' stinkin' mules,
Kalispell and Bigfork fools
I'm a man who's mean with no jeans:
King of the road

*Applauds* the musicality of the Blogits.

If he could hear a lot of clanking, it was Prince Albert.

12:07 p.m. Someone called in to talk about switchblades.

I swan, the folks in Flathead County have SO much going on!

*Raises my emergency pocket flashlight (I don't smoke, so no lighter) to ligirl and max*

(...and a shout-out to Betsy!)

I quit smoking, so I'm holding up a stick of gum.

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