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July 25, 2012

LAWN PAINTING

Alert reader Jimpy points out that The Blog was ahead of his time when he wrote about this.

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I've thought about doing this myself.

Dad planted rocks in his back yard. Much easier to maintain.

Some folks in the horticulture industry have, for years, been in the habit of painting Xmas trees green before shipping them if they didn't quite look right. I find this practice disturbing and unethical, right up there with the practice some women have of inserting balls of silicone in there chests or some men have of wearing toupees. Everyone knows and can tell they are fake, so why bother? Now get off my lawn.

Through a clever combination of global warming and utter neglect, my lawn is now regularly mistaken for an original Jackson Pollack and will be sold at Christie's next week.


In Dave's honor, our yard now features the Olympics logo creatively merged with a giant Oosik. Have him ring me when he flys over New Zealand, and I'll show him what the Oosik looks like in motion.

Gluing fur to crabs would work!
You should do it!
And take pictures!

Didn't Dave write about it because people were doing it?

Sheherazahde, the problem with furry crabs scuttling around your yard is that, like squirrels, they retain their evil intentions despite the costume.

Fortunately, crabs make a tasty treat when tossed on the barbeque. I recommend coating with marinade rather than glue and hair, as the latter emit nasty aromas when heated.

My lawn looks like I haven't mowed it in a while, but it's 90 outside so it can stay that way. And besides the rabbits seem to like it.


About as effective as most green technology.

We mowed the yard a grand total of 4 times last summer and that's only because of watering it every day. This summer we mow it twice a week. I blame Calvin Coolidge.

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