Dave Barry's Blog

AND THEN YOU CAN USE IT TO PUT THE FIRE OUT!

How to Light a Fire With Your Pee!

(Thanks to Gregg in Austin)

AND STAY OFF HER LAWN

Woman, 80, lobs mangoes and apples to oust robbers from New Bedford store

(Thanks to Jerald Nichols)

UPDATE: TE PUKE HIGH

Peter Metrinko forwarded this email from his New Zealand friend Jane Smith, regarding the item that (because of our strict policy) we were unable to post concerning Te Puke High School:

Haha! I know, to us westerners it's rather unfortunate name. It's actually pronounced teh-pook-eh meaning a 'hill' (similarly that place in Thailand called Phuket - no, stop it Peter, it's pronounced Poo-ket) What can I say?...it's Maori. If you think that's bad there's a place not far from here called Waipu (why indeed?) I think there's also one in Hawaii. Then there's Titirangi (my grown son still sniggers at that one!) If I also tell you that 'wh' is pronounced 'f' in the Maori language then 'Whakapapa' is not a place name you want to say too loudly ;-) I could go on, but to sum up, there is also Waikikamukau, that's pronounced as it's spelt...'Why kick a moo-cow'! It's actually just a generic name for any small rural locality (out in the sticks), and funnier to use than to try and distinguish between one of the oh so many similar sounding names (it gets so confusing).

TIME FOR BACK-TO-CAVE SHOPPING

People inside of the Pittsburgh Mills mall were evacuated Saturday night after a bear was spotted inside the Sears store.

(Thanks to Ralph)

UH-OH

Flathead Brewery Announces Expansion

(Thanks to Bill Turner)

SHE *IS* HOT

Statue of Liberty gave me orgasm

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)