Dave Barry's Blog

FIRST YOU LOB A GRENADE AT PRINCE CHARMING

What are the optimal siege tactics for taking Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle?

(Thanks to jon harris)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

If There Was Ever a Smarter Way to Hide Booze in Your Crotch, This Might Be It

(Thanks to Robert Shaw)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Meet Total Recall's new three-breasted woman!

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

IT'S CALLED 'BLOGGING'

People Who Are Constantly Online Can Develop Mental Disorders

(Thanks to coscolo)

'HAS ANYBODY SEEN KENDALL LATELY?'

Teen Ejected From Car, Others In Car Unaware

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WE'RE GUESSING HER PARENTS ARE MIGHTY PROUD

Panhandler wants $$$ for new boobs

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

Short sex-filled life of an Australian dumpling squid

(Thanks to The Perts)

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GO ON LIVING?

Anthony Weiner: Not running for office - for now

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Bill Moore)

COLD

Man shoots his own genitals, goes to jail

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and Marc)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using crows.

(Thanks to jon harris)

WE'RE GUESSING IT'S LAWSUIT TIME

Woman Flips Over After Trying To Ride Motorized Scooter Up MBTA Escalator

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WE FEEL SO MUCH SAFER

Two Seattle men say they spent more than two hours in a detention center at the Canadian border after U.S. border agents discovered illegal chocolate eggs in their car.

(Thanks to Jerald Nichols and Jan in Grimsby)

'YOU LOOK LIKE YOU STOLE A MIDGET'S PANTS!'

Dad yells at son for wearing skinny jeans.

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

'HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BUY LIGHT BEER, JUDGE.'

A young Heidelberg Township man on Monday admitted knocking out a friend at a house party in January after the victim, who suffered a skull fracture and brain bleeding, arrived with the wrong kind of beer.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SECOND OFFENSE: THE DEATH PENTALY

A Denver woman said her homeowner's association is fining her $200 for having brown spots on her yard amid drought conditions.

(Thanks to The Perts)

IF THE HOFF *IS* WITH YOU, WE RECOMMEND SHOTS

David Hasselhoff turns 60: "May the Hoff be with you!"

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

TIME FOR MANDATORY FEDERAL REGISTRATION

Sturbridge man accused of whacking adversary with weed trimmer

(Thanks to Jerald Nichols)

Idaho man charged with ashtray attack on motorist

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

COMING SOON TO THE OLYMPICS

Drunk Germans Cheer for Woman Parking Car

(Thanks to jon harris)

AND STAY OFF HIS LAWN

Stop or the senior citizen will shoot! Moment 71-year-old gunman shot two robbers as they tried to hold up Florida internet cafe

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)