Dave Barry's Blog

NEVER KEEP A LOADED OSTRICH EGG AROUND THE HOUSE

A man threw an ostrich egg at his wife because her pet pig damaged his tools.

(Thanks to Ross Marks)

DO YOUR PART

National No Bra Day gains support

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

FLATHEAD COUNTY IS NOT THE ONLY MUNICIPALITY IN MONTANA

Police warned an intoxicated man sitting in his car and vomiting out the door not to drive.

(Thanks to ligirl)

WE BET IT DID

They believe the horse was stung on the genitals when it was in the display arena and became distressed.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BASICALLY IT'S THE OLYMPICS FOR DOGS

The Humpy Awards

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

WE HAVE A NEW FRONT-RUNNER FOR FATHER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A Fort Wayne man has pleaded guilty to several charges for driving three blocks with four children strapped to his car's hood while he was intoxicated.

(Thanks to Greg Snow and Leslie Dyer)

DOMESTIC CARP WILL HAVE TO PAY FULL PRICE

Asian carp to be served free at Taste of Chicago

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

THE RESEMBLANCE IS UNCANNY

You can own a chicken nugget chapes like Secrerariat.

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner)

FATHER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Man takes baby to meet with prostitute

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man sets house ablaze while killing spiders with blowtorch

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

HE TOTALLY HAD IT COMING

A German divorce lawyer is scaring - and outraging – cinema-goers in Dresden with an advert that features a beautiful woman who has apparently just attacked her husband with a chainsaw.

(Thanks to The Perts)

IT WENT WELL UNTIL SHE WAS EATEN BY A GIANT ROBIN

Bjork serenades Denmark in giant worm dress

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

THEY EVENTUALLY SNARED HIM

Ted Nugent's drummer flees police in golf cart

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

INCREDIBLY, ETC.

Cops: Woman bit mother, threw dog

(Thanks to ligirl)

WITHOUT RULES, WE WOULD HAVE ANARCHY

Officer marches into woman's home and yells at her to wake up because her grass is too long

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IF I CAN MAKE IT THERE, I CAN LIVE IN A GLORIFIED APPLIANCE CARTON

New York City to introduce 300 square foot micro apartments

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says, "You have to be as short as Bloomberg to fit in one.")

'WITH THIS SORT OF THING, YOU HAVE TO BE THE FIRST ONE OUT OF THE BOX'

A West Palm Beach strip club is hoping a local judge will stop Octomom from making her stripping debut in Broward County this week.

There is no need to guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NEW JERSEY SOCIAL NOTE

Ewing bridal shower ends in riot of more than 200 people

(Thanks to Barbara A)

BUT IT LOOKS SO SUAVE

Zoo wants orangutan to quit smoking

(Thanks to funny man)