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June 26, 2012

AND THE RIVER CAUGHT ON FIRE?

Tractor-trailer full of Pop Tarts crashes into Susquehanna River

(Thanks to Zaphod)

AND HE DIDN'T HAVE THE CORRECT FARE

A 3-foot alligator that was wearing a collar was found on Oak Avenue near a bus stop, according to the Department of Energy and Environmental Protection.

(Thanks to Ralph K.)

June 25, 2012

IT'S TIME FOR TODAY'S EPISODE OF 'GUESS THE STATE'

Woman Made Cab Driver Wait While She Robbed a Store

(Thanks to queensbee)

THE PERFECT STOCKING STUFFER FOR EVERYONE ON YOUR CHRISTMAS GIFT LIST

Butt Acne Clearing Lotion

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who did not comment on what he was looking for when he found this page.)

UPDATE: And for the reader on your list, we have book-scented perfume.

(Thanks to Steve at Secret Location)

COURTS REPORT: YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK

 A recalcitrant drunken driver must pay $68 to replace pants that a Boise Police Department officer ripped during a foot chase, but not $1,088 to fix a patrol car damaged when it hit the man's dog.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

AND IN NON-REMAINDERS NEWS

A bunch of other stuff happened.

STEPHEN KING PLAYS AN F CHORD

...and other highlights.

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UPDATE ON THE BLOG'S ACTIVITIES

We apologize for the lack of recent postings. The Blog's been busy.

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(Friday night - photo thanks to Ted "It's NOT a mullet!" Habte-Gabr)

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(Saturday night)

June 23, 2012

REMAINDERS UPDATE

Your big stars, such as Greg Iles and Stephen King, get special transportation to the show.

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REMAINDERS UPDATE

Here's Simpsons creator Matt Groening backstage with my little brother Sam.

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CELEBRITY GLAMOR UPDATE

The singer, 28, claims she is always being accused of breaking wind — as people think she’s too famous to bother holding it in.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

IN MIAMI...

...this is considered parallel parking.

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(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, Jeffrey Brown and Bill Hudgins)

NOT CREEPY AT ALL!

Miniature-body-part jewelry

Little-Third-Ear

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

GUESS THE STATE

But prosecutors say that while the new law prohibits sex with animals, it doesn't necessarily outlaw bestial oral sex.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THAT SHOULD RAISE IT, ALL RIGHT

A Norwegian sexual health charity has asked the men of the country to don condoms for a "sex hour" on Thursday evening to raise public awareness about safe-sex.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

REMAINDERS UPDATE

We played our second-to-last show last night at the El Rey in LA, and we had a great crowd of people who had been drinking a lot did not seem to mind that we messed up on virtually all several of our songs, including, incredibly, Wild Thing. Tonight we play our last show ever as a whole band, at the American Library Association convention in Anaheim, which is the city where we first played 20 years ago this month.

Today we're hanging out in our hotel, where Roger McGuinn recorded James McBride playing saxophone into a microphone taped to a lamp.

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This is the kind of thing we hepcat musicians do all the time for hep musical reasons.

June 22, 2012

INCREDIBLY

...this did not happen in Florida.

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(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Chuck Cody)

GUESS THE STATE

400 Pound Woman Arrested For Wearing Birthday Suit On Bus Bench

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and R & L Stevenson)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

German police called to a break-in had to deal with a runaway cow rather than robbers, after the bolshie bovine jumped through a window and landed in an old woman’s kitchen.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHOA II

Set your VCRs for August 6th.

WHOA II

IF THAT DOESN'T WIN HER BACK, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

Police accuse man of defecating in ex-girlfriend's purse

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Fred Hudson)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR HENDRIX

Black Market Buttocks

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Wife Attacks Husband After Finding Copies of The Onion in Car

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and DrPat)

June 21, 2012

SAVES TIME

Woman Drives Stolen Car Into Police Station

(Thanks to Dina Ely)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

In what has been described as an evil hoax, the town of Bethel, Alaska, has learned it is not getting a Taco Bell.

Maybe they should get a Burritobot.

(Thanks to DrPat)

FLATHEAD COUNTY: SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

6:04 p.m. A man called in to discuss a “crime” involving an Iranian airplane that had crashed into a tunnel on top of a mountain in Marion, but refused to elaborate as the Iranians had “bugged” his phone.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Burritobot: A 3-D Printer That Spits Out Burritos

(Thanks to funny man)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Snooki recently stepped out into the public eye with an inflatable penguin in tow.

(Thanks to funny man)

June 20, 2012

INCREDIBLY, THIS IS NOT ABOUT HEF

Fossils in flagrante delicto

(Thanks to Rick Harover)

YOU CAN'T SPELL 'TERROR' WITHOUT SEVERAL OF THE LETTERS IN 'FLATHEAD COUNTY'

5:06 p.m. A Bigfork resident claimed that although they sent someone a “certified letter” asking them to stop texting, the texting continues.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Man claims leprechauns beat him up for dancing

(Thanks to Chuck Cody, Matt Filar and Ralph)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

Red cars more likely to be hit by bird poo than any other, says survey

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IS THAT A ZUCCHINI, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO BE GETTING FREE GROCERIES?

A supermarket on the German-Danish border was stormed by a horde of naked shoppers on Saturday after offering free groceries to the first hundred punters willing to get their kit off.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan, who says "ask them to stay at a respectful distance when loading up at the salad bar." Also thanks to Ralph.)

SEND ADELE TO WASHINGTON ALSO

Adele wakes girl from coma

(Thanks to The Perts)

DOES ANYBODY ACTUALLY SHOP IN WALMART ANY MORE?

Man Accused Of Making Meth In Walmart

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FORWARD IT TO WASHINGTON

OTTAWA — An embarrassed Jason Kenney finally apologized today for calling Alberta’s deputy premier Tom Lukaszuk a “complete asshole” after accidentally hitting ‘reply all’ on an email.

(Thanks to The Perts)

YOUR TAX DOLLARS HARD AT WORK

A new report by federal auditors says a Kansas-based company may have paid out as much as $4.2 million in potentially fraudulent Medicare claims for penis pumps.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

GUESS THE STATE

Barbara Hall Had Cooking Spray Sex, Threw Bottle At Boyfriend

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

TIME FOR A FEDERAL BAN

Toilet injuries more common than shark bites

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR PHISH

Decapitating, Rat-Eating Clocks of the Black Forest

(Thanks to Hunter Oatman-Stanford)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

For entertainment, a girls' school brings in a "hypnotist-in-training."

(Thanks to hon harris)

CSI: SNELLVILLE

Phone tracking device helps solve chicken wing robbery

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Matt Filar)

REMAINDERS UPDATE

Never has a band this mediocre received so much publicity.

Reminder: If you want to see our semi-historic penultimate performance, you can get tickets here.

June 19, 2012

YOU KNOW THE STATE

Deer and cars collide all the time. But how often does a car get T-boned by a 12-foot alligator crossing an interstate?

IT ALREADY HAS A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Bedford County dead dog receives voter registration forms

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

EDUCATION UPDATE

Principal dresses as Lady Gaga while milking cow

We will not name the school, as that would violate our strict policy.

(Thanks to James Fitzwilliam)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

Scientists create yoghurt that changes the colour of your poop to diagnose illnesses

(Thanks to Ralph)

NATURE

Octopus hitches ride on dolphin's genitals

(Thanks to Mitchell Raup and wiredog)

JOURNALISM

Chinese News Confuses Masturbation Toy with a Mysterious Mushroom

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BEFORE YOU CLICK, REMEMBER: SOME THINGS CANNOT BE UNSEEN

A Las Vegas man who suffers from a rare condition that made his scrotum swell to 100 pounds is basking in the fame that his giant organ has brought him.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

 
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