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June 30, 2012
JESUS SIGHTINGS UPDATE
Now: A Chinese takeout restaurant.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
AND WE NEED TO KNOW THIS BECAUSE...
Doctors in the Indian city of Mumbai have extracted a 12.5cm-long live worm from a patient's eye.
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
WE NEED TO OUTLAW NATURE ALTOGETHER
Bone-eating 'zombie' worms drill with acid
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
ENDANGERED MONKEY OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Endangered Monkey of the Week So Far.
(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)
THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES
Naked 'witches' say they flew on magical basket
(Thanks to Ralph)
THE SPIRIT OF SOPHIE
(Thanks to Sue Jenkins)
TIME FOR AN INTERNATIONAL AID CONCERT STARRING, AT MINIMUM, BONO
Man Plagued by Porn-Induced Headaches
(Thanks to Jenny Kellner and Joe in Japan)
YOU FIRST
Why You Should Spiral-Cut Your Wiener
(Thanks to jon harris)
WE'RE SURE SHE'S DEEPLY HONORED
WEATHER ADVISORY
(Thanks to jon harris)
WELL THEN, THAT MAKES SENSE
In actual fact, the women apparently shot each other over shrimp.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
WE SAW ALL THREE OF THEM OPEN FOR HENDRIX
Puking penalty. Vomit violation. Upchuck charge.
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
IF THAT DOESN'T WIN HER BACK, WE DON'T etc.
Penn also allegedly defecated on the woman's bed.
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who notes that this is the same city where this happened)
CELEBRITY GLAMOR UPDATE
Tom Cruise Comes Up With 'Bird Poo' Skin Treatment
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
