Dave Barry's Blog

CANCEL THAT TRIP TO DISNEY WORLD

The kids want to visit the Mystery Hole.

(Thanks to Omaha Bridget)

OHIO SOCIAL NOTE

A Father's Day family feud at a funeral home landed two women in jail, while an assault victim was left bloodied and missing hair.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CHECKING IN?

Fecal Matter Hiding in Hotel Rooms

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THE DIFFERENCE IS, HIGH SCHOOL SOPHOMORES SOMETIMES ACTUALLY SAY SOMETHING

By analyzing trends in speech patterns and public statements, educational group The Sunlight Foundation determined that members of Congress are speaking, on average, on the same level as a sophomore in high school.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ANIMAL PLANET

Wildlife camera catches Austrian politician having sex in forest

(Thanks to John Finn)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Drunk groom had sex with waitress at wedding reception... and was caught by his new father-in-law

(Thanks to John Finn)

TIME TO OUTLAW BOTH SAUSAGES AND WRENCHES, AND MAYBE BICYCLES

Bicyclist attacked with sausages, wrench

(Thanks to funny man)

A PLUG FOR A PAL

Ridley Pearson's new thriller, The Risk Agent, comes out tomorrow. If you buy it, Ridley will personally come to your house and thank you. You will not see him, because he will do this in a stealthy thriller-writer manner while you are sleeping, and he will leave no trace behind. So you will just have to take this blog's word for it.

REMAINDER REMINDER

The last-ever performances of the World Famous But Not Totally In A Good Way Rock Bottom Remainders will be this weekend in Los Angeles and Anaheim. Ticket information is here. You will not want to miss this, unless you have something better to do.

NEWS YOU CAN USE

Google Not in the Business of Censoring People Who Pee on Their Passports

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IT WAS SIPPING A TINY MARGARITA AND SMOKING A TINY CIGARETTE

A maintenance worker was surprised to find a 5-foot python lounging inside a motel room in Myrtle Beach.

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)

YOUR FLATHEAD COUNTY POLICE BLOTTER ENTRY OF THE DAY

8:29 a.m. Reportedly, a dog was sitting in the grass off of Highway 35 in Bigfork.

This has been your Flathead County Police Blotter entry of the day.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

OATMEAL

Whatever way you serve it, you can always add a few nuts.

(Thanks to the s.b.'s daughter)