Dave Barry's Blog

PITCHING MATCHUP OF THE DAY

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Pitching Matchup of the Day.

(Thanks to Bill T)

YET ANOTHER ARGUMENT AGAINST HOUSEWORK

Vacuum cleaner started $400m U.S. Navy nuclear submarine fire that wrecked ship

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE THOUGHT HORMONES WAS A LEGAL EXCUSE

A DRIVER who rammed into a pedestrian, drove with him through crowded streets, left him clinging to her bonnet and blamed her hormones for the incident has been jailed.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH

Dreadlock donkeys get a trim

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who saw them open for The Association)

ALASKA NIGHTLIFE REPORT

Michael Hetherington, 26, apparently told the troopers he and the woman were drunk at a party and that he punched her "to knock her out so that she would stop behaving in a manner of which he disapproved," troopers said in a dispatch posted online.  Hetherington allegedly told troopers that when drove the woman home from the party, he still needed to "blow off some steam," so he got a .45 caliber handgun and shot his SUV about 50 times, troopers said.

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE THE DEATH PENALTY

Somebody stole an American flag from a Boston Market Chicken Man.

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Ralph)

DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH

Goats removed from high school roof

(Thanks to The Perts)

'PUT THAT DOWN! I DID NOT SAY FETCH!'

Dog sniffs out whale poop for hormone study

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

NASCAR REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the NASCAR report.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

INCREDIBLY, THIS IS NOT ABOUT SNOOKI

She asked the arresting officer to write his report in a way that is would be “more interesting so that her arrest would make the police blotter” in the local newspaper.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)