Dave Barry's Blog

WE DO NOT PAY OUR POLICE OFFICERS ENOUGH

A New York State woman has pleaded guilty to striking a policeman in the forehead with a foot-long pink sex toy, according to court records.

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS HUMAN RIGHTS COUNCIL' DOES NOTHING

Dorothy Green, president of the Central Village Block Association, said she estimates she has to listen to about 700 hours of doo-wop a year.

(Thanks to Ralph)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS LEFT

Man calls 911 after denied entry to strip club with kitten

(Thanks to Scott Marcusky)

GEORGIA NIGHTLIFE REPORT

Drunken Man Restrained in Pool of Own Vomit Until Cops Arrive

(Thanks to Kristi Reed)

GLOUCESTERSHIRE: SPORTS CAPITAL OF THE PLANET

Cheese-rolling and shin-kicking.

(Thanks to W. von Papineau and Ralph)

SPORTS UPDATE

This just in.

(Thanks to Jerald Nichols)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Two roaming camels disrupted the traffic on a motorway near the city of Caen in the north of France on Monday.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Are off-site air traffic control towers a good idea?

(Thanks to The Perts)

THERE IS HELL. AND THEN THERE IS FLATHEAD COUNTY.

1:48 p.m. A Third Avenue East resident discovered that someone had placed a fake tree on her porch. She did not appreciate the gesture and wanted it removed.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HAR

Why Snooki’s Book Failed

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

HE'S A BOY, THAT'S HOW

Fire officials were not immediately sure how he got his head stuck in the first place.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

ATTENTION, ACADEMY AWARD JUDGES

The film tells the story of an eight-meter-long crocodile on the rampage in Beijing.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DIDN'T PICK MIAMI

China has cloned an Austrian village.

(Thanks to Dave Emery)

CANADIAN EDUCATION REPORT

Manitoba school board investigating after students allege they were tricked into eating moose poop

This as been the Canadian Education Report.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WOMEN

Do NOT mess with them.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Unholy Slacker)