Dave Barry's Blog

SHE ALSO TOOK SEVERAL TOWELS

Cops Nab Saudi Princess Bailing on $7.5M Hotel Bill

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "Those Minibar charges really add up.")

EW

Just, ew.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SUAVE

Man undressed, defecated on the beach near woman

You will never guess the state.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Layzeeboy)

THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT DOUGH

Nearly 50-pounds of pizza toppings stolen

(Thanks to Bill Jones)

AS TOLSTOY NO DOUBT INTENDED

It turns out that every instance of "kindled" had been replaced with "Nookd..." 

(Thanks to jon harris)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Docs Watched Game While Patient Suffered Painful Erection

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

ROCK BOTTOM REMAINDERS UPDATE:

We're getting ready to say goodbye.

GUESS THE STATE

Several Publix workers restrain Cuban sandwich bandito by sitting on suspect

(Thanks to funny man)

HEY, CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN?

Apparently not.

(Thanks to Ralph)

NEXT: 'INCARCERATED'

NC man accused of bigamy; Facebook status lists 'complicated'

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Bove said this was first time in his five years with the police department that he has heard of a toilet being found in the middle of the street.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

AS RECOMMENDED BY LEADING LAW FIRMS

Stopped for Speeding, Woman Urinates on Sidewalk

Key Legal Explanation: The driver, later identified as Olvera, told the officer she could not stay in her lane because she was using her cellphone and eating a giant lollipop that, “was all over her face.”

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BUT IT WAS DUTY-FREE

A drunken grandmother forced a New Zealand-bound Qantas flight back to Melbourne, Australia, after reportedly punching a passenger in the face.

(Thanks to funny man)

SHE HAD HER REASONS

Investigators say the 29-year-old man got into a fight with the woman over groceries.  That's when the victim says the woman took off her leg and started hitting him.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and Jeff Meyerson)

MEANWHILE IN OUR NATION'S CAPITAL

Erupting Urinal Soaks House Press Gallery

(Thanks to Bill "I saw Erupting Urinal open for Chumbawamba" Hudgins)

WESTERN CIVILIZATION IS CRUMBLING AROUND US

The National Asparagus Festival has lifted the requirement that the Asparagus queen candidates must be married.

(Thanks to Dan Barr)

THIS IS SO WEIRD, BECAUSE IN 1978 WE SAW DEFECATION CAPER OPEN FOR SQUATTING WOMAN

Squatting woman nabbed in Vero Beach defecation caper

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Ralph)

Related: The Case of the Lavatory Looker.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)