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May 29, 2012

MEN:

Whatever you click on, do not let it be this.

(Thanks to 19 million sick individuals, and you know who you are.)

THERE SHOULD BE A MONUMENT TO THIS MAN, AND IT SHOULD BE WHITE, AND IT SHOULD BE BETWEEN TWO DARK-BROWN MONUMENTS

Man Who Invented Oreo Filling Dies At 76

(Thanks to jon harris)

May 28, 2012

DIVORCE IS INEVITABLE

Husband chopped up wife's shoes

(Thanks to Ralph K.)

THE NEWS FROM PHUKET

PHUKET: A woman in Lampang province hit the headlines after it emerged she was breastfeeding her pet poodle.

(Thanks to Ralph K.)

HOW TO SAY "EXCUSE ME, BUT I BELIEVE I WAS NEXT" IN FLORIDIAN

Man charged after allegedly showing gun to jump ahead of women in West Palm fast-food line

(Thanks to Joe in Japan and Jeff Meyerson)

THREAT TO KILL AT KIDS' SOCCER GAME

This sounds like the basis for some kind of crazy novel or something.

(Thanks to Bill Moore)

MEMORIAL DAY

It's a good day to be with family and friends. But as I say every year, don't forget why it's called Memorial Day.

Sorry the blog has been so solemn lately. Booger jokeage will resume tomorrow.

May 27, 2012

KATHI

Kathi Kamen Goldmark, my friend and sister-in-law, founder of the Rock Bottom Remainders and one of the coolest, funniest and most generous people I've ever known, died Thursday in San Francisco. I was out there to be with her and my brother Sam. Kathi had fought a tough battle with cancer and, in the end, pneumonia. But she went with grace and -- unbelievably -- humor.

Here's her obituary in the San Francisco Chronicle, and here's one in the Miami Herald. Kathi lived a full and friend-filled life. But of all the things she did, she got the most joy from getting onstage and making music, as she did at her wedding, where she sang with Sam.

Sam and Kathi

Goodbye, Kathi. 

May 25, 2012

DO BEARS POOP IN THE WOODS?

Not all of 'em.

(Thanks to The Perts, Janice Gelb, and Jon Harris)

CSI: CLEVELAND

A Cleveland man was busted for littering after he dropped a $1 bill on the ground.

(Thanks to W. Von Papineau)

TIME TO BUY A LOTTERY TICKET

Drunken Alberta man survives after he's run over by 26 rail cars

(Thanks to The Perts)

LOOSE COWS

Police say a roving group of cows crashed a small gathering in a Massachusetts town and bullied the guests for their beer.

(Thanks to Kathryn B. and pokerplayer)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Build a hovercraft with a shower curtain and duct tape.

(Thanks to Gregg in Austin, who apparently doesn't like dads)

NEW THIS FALL: THE TACO ENFORCER

Police said a 17-year-old man canceled his taco order when he realized he was late for school. The 19-year-old man followed the teen and tried to run him over with his truck, police said.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and Jeff Meyerson)

May 24, 2012

WHO DOESN'T?

Posh gets sheep placenta facials.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND AT WORK

When investigators came to the scene, they discovered Holcomb's next door neighbor Stormy Moody was wearing some of the clothes reported missing.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

IF YOU DROP IT FROM A HELICOPTER, THEY WILL COME

Helicopter Dumps Hot Dogs Over Detroit

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Janice Gelb)

DUE TO OUR STRICT POLICY

We can't even mention this item.

(Thanks anyway to The Perts)

May 23, 2012

HIGHER EDUCATION

Female students at the Cambridge University have submitted risque photographs of their butts in the hope of grabbing the 'Rear of the Year' title.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

AT MINIMUM, IT SHOULD BE DEATH

The rule means no more than two flies should be found inside a toilet and it's still not clear what punishments follow if a third is found.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and The Perts)

FLATHEAD COUNTY: LIKE 'THE HUNGER GAMES,' BUT GRIMMER

2:49 p.m. A renter on Lore Lake Road claimed that her landlord stole her pugapoo puppies in lieu of rent.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HILARITY ENSUES

Toddler put in tumble dryer 'as a joke'

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GUESS THE STATE

Man uses Buddha to smash windshield

(Thanks to The Perts)

NO NEED FOR A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE...

Man suspected of theft at CVS can't get car started

(Thanks to pjd)

WE SALUTE HIM, FROM THE SOFA

TV remote inventor Eugene Polley dies at 96

(Thanks to The Perts and Ross Marks)

CSI: CORPUS CHRISTI

Giant gorilla stolen from car dealer lot may have been found

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

THE *BILLBOARD* WAS TOPLESS?

Mexican congressional candidate appears in topless billboard

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says, "She deserves the blog's support.")

A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE IS ON ITS WAY

Man with zebra, parrot in truck charged with OWI

(Thanks to everyone in the known universe)

May 22, 2012

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Britney Spears takes up golf, scares off golfers

(Thanks to Ralph)

ALSO, BEARS POOP IN WOODS

Listening to loud music linked with pot use, unsafe sex, study says

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias and Jay Brandes)

THERE IS NO REASON TO GO ON LIVING

Dog the Bounty Hunter has been canceled.

(Thanks to jon harris)

RAISE YOUR RIGHT... OK, YOUR RIGHT FRONT LEG

Kansas City man wants to bring alligators to court

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

WE USE A CHAINSAW

MIT Scientists Figure Out How to Get Ketchup Out of the Bottle

(Thanks to Gary Kennedy)

SOUTH FLORIDA DINING

One of this blog's favorite restaurants is George's of South Miami, because (a) it's close to our house; (b) the food is good; and (c) George is insane. Last night, for no reason that anybody could explain -- especially not  George -- he brought in a giraffe, a camel, a zebra and two tigers (one adult, one baby) and set them up across the street. Then George dressed up like an extra in a 1932 Tarzan movie and greeted his customers.

2012-05-21-085

And, yes, the giraffe was delicious.

FLATHEAD COUNTY: SOME KIND OF BIZARRE EXPERIMENT GONE HORRIBLY WRONG

4:27 p.m. Reportedly, eight teenage boys were on the side of Foys Lake Road. One of them had his pants around his ankles.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using  emu poo.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: CANADA

A Canadian woman called the emergency services after mistaking her neighbour's noisy toilet efforts for a violent disturbance.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ralph)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Vanderbilt baseball finds good luck charm in Rally Beaver

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

IT WILL FIT RIGHT IN

Beer on the road: Rig overturns, shattering 55,000 pounds of bottled brew on Florida highway

(Thanks to Mrs. Blog)

YIKES

Handcrafted birthing dolls.

(Thanks to Jack Hinrichs)

A FRYING PAN WAS ALSO INVOLVED

Ferndale man punches fiancee after she kisses another woman, setting off backyard brawl

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

INCREDIBLY, ETC.

Woman Arrested After Taking Ambulance For Joyride

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NEW YORK *WILL* FIND A WAY TO TAX THIS

Two New Jersey guys are commuting to Manhattan in kayaks.

(Thanks to Sharon [The Minx] Lurie)

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO GO ON YOUR LEGS

Your skinny jeans could be a health danger if you are not wearing them properly

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

May 21, 2012

IT'S LEGAL ON THE STREETS OF FLORIDA

CAR-SIZED TURTLE FOUND IN COLOMBIAN COAL MINE

(Thanks to coscolo)

YOU'D THINK HE WOULD GET SOME KIND OF BONUS FOR THE TAXI

A man was arrested on Saturday for using the centre of the historic German city of Cologne as a driving range, after one of his wayward iron shots hit a taxi.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

HOW A MAN OPENS A BEER

With a chainsaw.

(Thanks to Robert Shaw, who says "This could be the half-time show at the Super Bowl.")

WHICH, 93 PERCENT OF THE TIME, WILL BE BLOCKED BY AN ILLEGALLY PARKED DELIVERY VAN

The developer of a luxury condo building in New York City's Greenwich Village has listed a parking spot for $1 million.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

INCREDIBLY, THE INCIDENT BEGAN IN A BAR

Half-naked woman in hot pink duct tape attacks, injures 3 cops

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: DACULA

Vehicle Reported Stolen Was Actually Hidden by Weeds in Yard

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

 
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