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May 31, 2012

FLATHEAD COUNTY: LAND OF PASSION

8:56 p.m. A man in Kalispell reportedly poured a beer on his wife, hit her car with his hand and urinated on her boyfriend.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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Every time I see a crime report from Kalispell and it doesn't have my cousin's name in it, I count it as a small victory for my clan.

In that order? That's just wrong. I'd have started with the boyfriend-urinating.

7:54 p.m. A teenage girl in jammie pants reportedly yelled, screamed and hit a man in a stripped mechanic’s uniform.

Who reported this? The Fashion Police?

Why is this item dated Thursday 6/23 - have they discovered time travel?

8:56 p.m. A man in Kalispell reportedly poured a beer on his wife, hit her car with his hand and urinated on her boyfriend.


maybe I'm just old fashioned, but while I do not condone urinary contact, alcohol abuse or assault with intent to ding, I must admit that I would probably do much worse if I caught my wife with her boyfriend.


also, they sure grow up fast in Flathead country:

10:31 a.m. A kid on a 4-wheeler reportedly stole items from a Columbia Falls store.

11:01 a.m. A teenaged boy was arrested after stealing a 4-wheeler from a Hungry Horse man.

At that rate by 8:36 p.m. he could have been the man who poured beer on his wife.

I didn't know stripped mechanics had a special uniform. Or, wait ... yes, I guess I did. But I don't want to think about it.

I remember driving through Kalispell on the way to Glacier NP and I have a feeling that if I were stuck there, I'd be tempted to urinate in public too as it's just impolite to hit cars with your hand.

I'm still crying about the ignored pony....sob....

A tragic waste of beer.

Needs more dogs.

I'm thinkin' that stripped mechanic is kinda like stripped threads on a bolt, or stripped gears in a transmission ... not of much use, in either case ...

Stripped mechanic’s uniform is an oxymoron.

What kind of unfeeling people ignore a pony? This should be investigated!

8:52 p.m. A Kalispell man complained that a white horse was outside tearing up his lawn.

I bet he tried to tell him it had a horn on its forehead, too.

That ignored-pony story is big. The Beacon should be running with it, taking it to all the big-time media outlets.

On the other hand, maybe we shouldn't fan the flames of hate.

Flathead County Cosmo: "Three ways to tell when he REALLY loves you"

7:28 a.m. An employee at an Evergreen gas station complained that a dog with one yellow eye was loitering inside the store.

... the apocalypse starts in Flathead County...

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