Dave Barry's Blog

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE NATURE AREAS

Elderly man dances naked in Furstenberg Nature Area as women canoe past him

Name of police lieutenant we are not making fun of: Renee Bush

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

SPORTS UPDATE

"I was just in awe that we were at the Coliseum," said a star of the film, who goes by the name Mr. Marcus. "I've made movies for about 20 years and I've done a lot of things, but that one really stands out.… I mean, who gets to have sex on the Coliseum floor?"

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Please note that this blog is not making fun of the bylines in this story.

HEADED SOUTHBOUND. WHICH IS THE DIRECTION OF FLORIDA.

Authorities say a 28-year-old man in upstate New York has been charged with driving his motorcycle at nearly 200 mph on a highway in the rain.

(Thanks to James in NC)

DEAR MIAMI CHAMBER OF COMMERCE:

Please don't read this.

FLATHEAD COUNTY: LAND OF PASSION

8:56 p.m. A man in Kalispell reportedly poured a beer on his wife, hit her car with his hand and urinated on her boyfriend.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

A new footwear company is customising the skin of living stingrays to make $1,800 bespoke sneakers.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

'SLOVENLY SHEDDERS OF GERMS'

Men's offices show more bacteria than women's

(Thanks to The Perts)

We saw the Slovenly Germ Shedders open for the Ramones.

AS FEATURED IN 'FIELD AND FREEZER' MAGAZINE

Alexander Donninger, who was charged with poaching in a Kufstein court, said the fish a passerby reported him for poaching from the lake in the Kufstein district were actually frozen trout he had purchased from a local supermarket and allowed to thaw in order to impress his children with his fishing skills.

(Thanks to Ralph, and Jeff Meyerson)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Mass. woman finds baby bird with 2 heads, 3 beaks

(Thanks to Sharon [The Minx] Lurie)

WE DO NOT PAY OUR VETERINARIANS ENOUGH

Rhinoceros Undergoes Assisted Reproduction to Rescue Species from Extinction

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

WE DON'T KNOW, BUT WE'RE PREPARED TO SPEND YEARS RESEARCHING THIS

Why Do Bubbles in Guinness Sink?

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

CANADIAN POLITICAL UPDATE

No naked kite-surfing for B.C. premier

(Thanks to Ralph)

HAS ANYBODY SEEN SNOOKI LATELY?

Scarf-wearing pig spotted by Pittsburgh motorists

(Thanks to The Perts, Jeff Meyerson and queensbee)

IT PERVADES THE PLAYBOY MANSION

There is an old person smell, scientists say

(Thanks to The Perts and Janice Gelb)

SOFTWARE

Ex-Microsoft staffers create algorithm to find the perfect bra

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

LAST NIGHT'S KEY PITCHING MATCHUP

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you Last Night's Key Pitching Matchup.

(Thanks to Jack Fizpatrick, who says he is "looking for hard and penetrating analysis from the beat reporters.")