Dave Barry's Blog

BUT DON'T FISH DO IT?

Can peeing in a lake really kill fish?

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

WELCOME TO CHINA!

Obey all traffic signals.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimbsy)

For the record, this would be no trouble for the motorists of Miami, who pay no attention whatsoever to traffic lights.

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE SPOONS

96,000 Servings Of Chobani Yogurt Spill On Upstate Highway

(Thanks to funny man)

AW

Man allegedly stuffed roses down pants at Hannaford on Mother's Day

(Thanks to funny man)

STAND TALL, LLABELLI, WALES

Chicken may break record for world’s tiniest egg

(Thanks to The Perts)

FATHER'S DAY

It's right around the corner.

(Thanks to Spotsie)

TENNESSEE LABOR UPDATE

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Tennessee Labor Update.

(Thanks to William Maruca)

INCREDIBLY, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLORIDA

Woman drives 25 miles to work without realising a MOOSE has taken roof off her car

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

Prison warns convict over fart 'attacks'

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

FLORIDA

Not like where you live.¹

¹unless you live in Flathead County.

FLATHEAD COUNTY: THE CHAOS CONTINUES

6:56 a.m. Someone called 911 to report an emergency involving five cows that were ambling down Conrad Drive.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FORT LEE PEDESTRIANS:

Do not text and walk.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GUESS THE STATE

Man arrested for throwing Bible at roomie

(Thanks to The Perts)

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

Thieves take £11,000 of sex toys in Stourport-on-Severn

Key Story Elements:

• The toys belonged to online mail order company, Happy Bunny.
• "If they manage to sell them then I would give them a job."

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

JESUS SIGHTINGS UPDATE

Now: On The Bachelor.

(Thanks to Alison McQuade)

CSI: WINDSOR, ONTARIO

Police say X-rays show the diamond is still in there but while the suspect has had bowel movements since his arrest, the gem appears to be staying put.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHICH IS WHY YOU NEVER SEE GILA MONSTERS ORDERING PIZZA

Gila Monster Saliva Reduces Food Cravings

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and RussellMc)

THIS IS NOT ABOUT CHARLIE SHEEN

The violent sex life of the 'dagger penis' bug

(Thanks to funny man)