Dave Barry's Blog

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT MEN WITH BIG FEET

A Montreal hospital is bringing in the clowns to see if they can help women conceive.

(Thanks to The Perts)

FUN GUY

Medical reports show Adolf Hitler used cocaine, suffered extreme flatulence

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

PATENT PROPOSAL OF THE LAST MILLENNIUM SO FAR

Here's a proposal for a device that no cat-owning household or superpower nation should be without:

(Thanks to jon harris, who says, "I can't believe they haven't produced this yet!")

UNFORTUNATELY, THE STORY DOES NOT LIVE UP TO THE HEADLINE

Pond skaters hooked in sex struggle

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

AS RECOMMENDED BY DOCTORS

Coeburn man handcuffs himself to quit smoking, loses key

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

An artist who renamed herself Spartacus and a man who draws a city inhabited by figures made of human excrement were Tuesday shortlisted for top British contemporary art award the Turner Prize.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NEWS YOU CAN USE

Mice That Eat Yogurt Have Larger Testicles

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who says "I better cut back.")

ADVISORY

Your Breasts Are Trying To Kill You

(Thanks to wiredog)

JUST WHAT WE NEED

A new gadget is designed to get people drunk INSTANTLY.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and coscolo)

NATURE

A cat messes with the wrong fish.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

GUESS THE STATE

Man charged in rooster shooting

(Thanks to Ralph)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Danvers cops showed up and found a surreal scene: Wedding guests yelling, screaming and rolling around on the ground in a pig pile. At one point, police said, the groom’s mother, Darlene, attacked the bride’s mom.

A "pig pile?"

(Thanks to Janice Gelb and Poker)

TOURISTS

Early Floridians Mingled with Mammoths & Mastodons

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who notes "they all had valid Florida drivers' licenses.")

NO DOUBT THERE IS A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

Man falls from women's bathroom ceiling at Seattle college

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

YET ANOTHER UNSUNG BENEFIT OF ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION

Drunken Pewaukee man unaware he was hit by train

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

DOESN'T SOUND VERY VICTORIAN TO US

A Victorian man who stuffed chicken schnitzel down his pants and threatened to shoot a check-out assistant at a Tasmanian supermarket has pleaded guilty to robbery.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)