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April 30, 2012

WHEW

Conundrum frozen cows to be sawed

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

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Sawed them open for Joe Byrd and the Field Hippies.

I guess we won't be seeing Conundrum Cows opening for Counting Crows after all.

They should have made the headline "Frozen Bovines to be Sawed" so we could do the "doo-dah, doo-dah" thing.

I walk around singing those things all day sometimes. Drives my therapists crazy.

Reminds me of a scene in that fine documentary of my college years, Animal House.

♫I came.

I saw. And sawed.

I moo-ved them.

Cattle drive! Yehaw!♫


sung (?) to that classy Chuck Wagon dog food jingle...

"... conflicts between humans and bears, which will be drawn to the meat."

I fully support the Second Amendment right to arm bears in this case.

Another song:

♫ I fought the cows and the cows won♫

to the tune of I fought the law and the law won

I didn't seen no cows.

There's more than one way to skin a cow

There are believed to be multiple other dead cows in the area, but it’s unclear how many.

Between the number of those found frozen and 29?

The bears will be conflicted: picnic basket, or dead cow?

You won't hear much about solutions for this problem in the upcoming election.

I've heard of saws for the goose and gander, but not cows.

So they decided not to use the State Highway Department Whale Disposal system? Apparently someone in Aspen reads Dave.

As a chemist, a guy, and a non-resident of Aspen, I must express my disapproval of their boring saw plan.

Where's the pizazz?

I was worried about finding a solution to that problem - it was cows wrapped in ice, stuck in a cabin in Conundrum.


Maybe they said sauce not saws (some of those rural accents can be hard to decipher) and they went with my plan for an all-you-eat BBQ.

Frozen cows should be sawed and not herd.

"It’s unclear what the exact composition of the saw team will be."

Sounds like the usual preparedness plan created by a government agency ...

My guess would be "A saw, and someone to operate it. Repeat as needed." ... merely sayin' ...

OtheU:

Government jobs require:
1) someone to supervise,
2) someone to monitor for safety violations,
3) someone to post signs saying "Danger Cow Sawing in progress" and wave people away, and
4) someone to lean on a shovel.

That's four people already, so there might not be space for someone to operate a saw.

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