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April 06, 2012

UPDATE FROM PLANET FLATHEAD COUNTY

11:31 a.m. A man called 911 to report intentionally taking too much medication, not in attempt to commit suicide, but in order to have an “out of body experience.” He complained that he is now unable to urinate.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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Alright, move on, nothing to see here, please disperse...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSjK2Oqrgic

I hear too much cough syrup will do that to you.

"No out of body experience for you! You wanta pee? $2!"
--the Metaphysical Nazi in that lost Seinfeld episode

Another normal day in Flathead.

egged cars will need to be serviced at the Shell station HAR!

Hoodlums in the neighborhood -- hoodz in the hood. Where's John Singleton when you need a sequel?

My greatest fear ... my nightmare ... is that one day we will be told that Flathead County doesn't exist, that we've all fallen for some twisted Internet prank. The temptation to Google-Earth it and find out is ... overwhelming! I must resist! But, no! I will!

And yes, there it is, and all those places we know so well: Hungry Horse and all of them! If you zoom in, you can see dogs running around and people telephoning 911. O, joy!

If this publication is a hoax, the CIA could learn a thing or two from the authors about backstopping. Check out the photos, which include a slide show on Martin City, where the famous Barstool Ski Races sparked the imagination of competitors and captured the attention of hundreds of onlookers. No doubt alcohol was involved.

I love these updates from Flathead County. It's beautiful up there, and I'love to have summer cabin up there. It's nowhere near as weird as Arizona politics, and a lot more fun.

Flathead County seems to be a nearly ideal place to dwell--bums, suspicious dogs, random running children--people are on their toes and keeping watch. Sheriff Andy Taylor might be there to bring some of Aunt Bea's apple pie to those flustered by the rampant lack of real crime. It seems like it would be a great place to live for an American Patriot, as long as you kept your firearms in good working condition, and your dog was well-behaved. God bless America!

It would seem Flathead County is the place that provides the balance the universe seeks to offset Miami-Dade.

Wait, did the drunk fall out of a car on Highway 93 or is the house on the road? Or was he in a mobile home?
Now, I'm so confused.

6:40 p.m. Residents on Hawthorn Drive were not impressed with their intoxicated neighbor’s activities.

After the dogs chasing the mailman, the out-of-body experience, the car egging, and the kids living dangerously in the fast food drive-through, it takes a lot to impress these folks.

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