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April 26, 2012

AND PEOPLE SAY KIDS TODAY DON'T CARE ABOUT THE ISSUES

Justin Bieber's crazy fans have given his penis a nickname -- Jerry -- and it's been trending on Twitter all week.

THE NEWS FROM UDHAGAMANDALAM

A two-foot long snake in a Kerala tourist's handbag created a flutter in a hotel in Udhagamandalam today.

This has been the news from Udhagamandalam.

THANKS, DUDE

Goodwill scores marijuana bong in donations

(Thanks to Mat Filar)

WHO AMONG US CAN SAY HE NEVER LOST TRACK OF 298 PRIUSES?

Have you ever bought a brand new cars only to forget where you put it? How about 300 of them? Probably not – unless you're Miami-Dade County, which was recently reunited with 298 vehicles it bought brand new between 2006 and 2007.

(Thanks to Tal E)

April 25, 2012

IT WAS IN MONTPELIER ALL ALONG

That elusive sexual will-o'-the-wisp, the G spot, has been found. It just wasn't where anyone had looked.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Wolfsong)

THIS IS REALLY INTEREZZZZZZZZZ

The not-so-exciting story of how a Scottish village called Dull became twinned with a U.S. town called Boring

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU GO, GIRL

A pensioner from Stockholm, Margareta Winberg, took her place at the top table at government headquarters along with ministers, ex-ministers, diplomats and high ranking officials in a banquet marking the big three-day environmental conference taking place in the Swedish capital. However, there was one problem: the wrong Margareta Winberg had been invited.

(Thanks to Johan in Sweden)

HE WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT CONDITIONER

Hair weave thief crashes U-Haul into beauty supply store

(Thanks to jon harris)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION

Booger bodyguards? How mucus keeps you healthy

(Thanks to manual tomato)

HEY, IT WAS AN EMERGENCY

HOOKSETT, N.H. -- A teen driver who pointed a flare gun at another driver ended up firing a flare into his own car, police said.

(Thanks to Poker and Unholy Slacker)

THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Arlington County Honors Nine 2012 Notable Trees

(Thanks to Ryan Young, who says, quote, "Unbeleafable.")

NOOOOOOOOOOO

The Kardashians have signed a $40 million deal for three more seasons of their E! reality show

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who asks, "Where is Homeland Security?")

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE THE DEATH PENALTY

An Arizona man filed a complaint with police saying a flight attendant "rudely" woke him up by tapping his knee with a magazine.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

VIETNAMESE STOCK REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Vietnamese Stock Report.

HMM

Investigators are trying to determine the cause of a fire that destroyed a business called Smoker’s Heaven in Aulac Sunday night.

(Thanks to The Perts)

April 24, 2012

THIS JUST IN

Boner rejects sexual harassment allegations

(Thanks to Gregg in Austin and Unholy Slacker)

DO WE EVEN HAVE TO GUESS THE STATE?

We do not.

Fl-pines-camaro-pool-20120423-001

(Thanks to funny man)

IF YOU SEE ONLY ONE VIDEO OF A MAN RESCUING A SQUIRREL WITH ITS HEAD CAUGHT INSIDE A POTATO-CHIP BAG

...make it this one. Or, make it another one. This blog frankly does not care.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

NEEDLESS TO SAY IT HAD A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Cow wanders up to McDonald's drive-thru window

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

TASTEFUL

A ski-jump-themed bathroom.

Tugboat3

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Charlene: Quadrotor with Machine Gun.

Advisory: Some bad Russian-accented lanugage.

Key Quote: "That was awesome! Look at the guy's head rolling down the hill."

(Thanks to jon harris)

IT'S RIGHT NEXT TO THE PIZZA MACHINE

California company invents marijuana vending machine

(Thanks to Just Some Guy)

CSI: PALM CITY

The 42-year-old man went home and discovered dung on the doormat.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THIS JUST IN

Phuket not sinking

(Thanks to Ralph)

THAT'LL TEACH THEM

Gun safety class ends with couple wounded

(Thanks to jon harris)

April 23, 2012

SOMEBODY IS NOT GETTING LUCKY ANY TIME SOON

Hunter thinks he hears a pig, shoots his girlfriend

(Thanks to Ellie Brecher, jon harris and bill Hudgins)

FURTHER EVIDENCE THAT GUYS ARE NOT FAR REMOVED FROM SALAMANDERS

When men see lady in red, they think she'll hop into bed

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

CLEANUP ON AISLE SEVEN

Human torso shipped to BJ's Wholesale Club in Massachusetts

(Thanks to queensbee)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now: Exploding deer.

(Thanks to Sharon Chapman)

IT'S GETTING SO A MAN CAN'T EVEN DRIVE HIS LAWNMOWER INTO A CLUB

After a few more at the club, Cavanagh got back on his mower, rode around the car park and attempted to ride the mower into the club before being told to leave by security about midnight on March 31.

(Thanks to Bill Moore)

April 22, 2012

CLASSY

A commemoration of the Titanic features a giant urinating puppet.

(Thanks to funny man)

WE DON'T KNOW, BUT WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

What exactly is 'Hand Shredded A$$ Meat'?

(Thanks to Jeff Schneider)

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY WE'RE HAVING BEER

U.S. Waters Polluted by 10 Million Tons of Dog Poop

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

A woman has been arrested after a shop dummy was entered as a candidate for the council elections in Aberdeen.

(Thanks to Ralph)

TO BOLDLY GO

Students Send Rubber Chicken On a Space Mission

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Mother's shock at finding potato shaped like duckling

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

April 21, 2012

IF HE DOESN'T DELIVER THE MONEY TO THE POOR IN 30 MINUTES, IT'S FREE

Man robs Pizza Pipeline at gun point, claims he's Robin Hood

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

TOUGH TO BUY UNDERWEAR IN THIS SITUATION

'Our gender shifts by the hour': Incredible claim of group who suffer from 'phantom genitalia'

(Thanks to Unhoily Slacker)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CRANBERRIES

Baked beans spillage blocks M11 near Epping

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

April 20, 2012

YIKES

A snake-eating spider.

Note That We Are Not Making Fun Of This Name: "Ant Hadleigh."

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

'GENIUS' IS ONE WAY TO DESCRIBE IT

When Domino's Pizza in the Netherlands started using electric scooters they were presumably worried the silent engines could be hazard to pedestrians, because they added a sound effect.

But rather than record a traditional engine noise, they used the sounds of a man "Domino’s!" and "pizza!" between revving noises. Genius!

Watch the video. Try to imagine being the driver.

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Aussie injured having sex gets workers' comp

(Thanks to The Perts)

BRILLIANT

Here's a fun holiday thing to do in St. Martin: Stand directly behind a large jet taking off.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

WEST VIRGINIA CULTURAL UPDATE

City police on Thursday cited a Martinsburg artist who placed a toilet on the pedestal in the city square on Wednesday as a publicity stunt to advocate for more public art in the community.

(Thanks to jon harris)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER THAN A PENGUIN THIEF

Friends 'broke into zoo, stripped to their underwear to swim with dolphins before stealing a penguin'

You will never guess what was involved.

(Thanks to Catherine Cottrell, who says, "Back in my day, we used to get drunk and steal road signs.") (Also thanks to Anil Haji)

COLLEGE BASEBALL UPDATE

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the College Baseball Update.

(Via Deadspin)

URGENT BREAKING TECHNOLOGY NEWS

"Words with Friends" allowed this:

Pooted2

NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT

Whistlers from far and wide converge to see who blows best

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

DETAILS

Texting pilot forgets to lower gear

(Thanks to Ross Marks)

April 19, 2012

CSI: SALISBURY

"Kelly (Ervin) advised that he defecates wherever his two mile mark is."

(Thanks to Pat Boyle)

 
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