Dave Barry's Blog

IT WOULD DEFINITELY SHAKE US

Synthetic whale vomit could shake perfume industry

(Thanks to The Perts)

EASTER EGG HUNTS ARE STARTING TO REMIND US OF CHUCK E. CHEESE

Although areas of the park were designated for different age groups, Allen said some parents insisted on accompanying their children in the egg-finding quest. Incidents occurred, he said, when parents became violent in an attempt to get eggs for themselves or their children.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

'PARPING?'

Village mayor bans: Slurping, burping, parping

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

UPDATE ON THE BURGEONING EPIDEMIC OF WOMEN GETTING FRISKY

ALTOONA, Pa. -- A state trooper says an extremely drunk woman met him at the door wearing underpants and holding two yellow roses she wanted him to accept as part of her "cop fantasy" -- before he charged her with drunken driving instead.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

A Coral Springs woman is facing battery charges after authorities say she punched her boyfriend in the face after he wouldn't sleep with her.

(Thanks to funny man)

Update: Naked woman with history of breast, buttocks offenses nabbed in Vero Beach

(Also thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Jay Chou says he is no buttock pincher

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

UPDATE FROM PLANET FLATHEAD COUNTY

11:31 a.m. A man called 911 to report intentionally taking too much medication, not in attempt to commit suicide, but in order to have an “out of body experience.” He complained that he is now unable to urinate.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: CLUJ-NAPOCA

Romanian police baffled after mystery toilet appears as if from nowhere

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THERE ARE THREE WORDS A MAN NEVER WANTS TO SEE IN A HEADLINE

So you men should not click here.

(Thanks to Ty Jones, who says that fortunately he never saw them open for anybody)

(Also thanks to Allen at Division and Jon Reeves, both of whom note the name of the hospital, which we are not making fun of)