Dave Barry's Blog

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR LIFT POO CULPRIT

Groin-Biting Insects.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Easter Bunny arrested after shift

(Thanks to Ralph, who observes, "Hare today, goon tomorrow.")

YET ANOTHER SIGN OF THE WORSENING DRUG CRISIS

Now, at college campuses and state fairs around the country, tens of thousands of people go to watch cricket spitting.

Key Byline: "Scooby Axson"

(Thanks to funny man)

INCREDIBLY, ETC.

The men, all 20, stripped, loaded themselves in a shopping cart, set the automatic car wash to “typhoon” or “super typhoon” and went in, according to The Vancouver Sun.

(Thanks to B'game)

HOW SLOW IS THE NEWS IN WALES?

Pretty slow.

(Thanks to The Perts)

But not as slow as in Ohio.

(Thanks to Harry Farkas)

BAD SIERRA

Dog eats man’s Masters tickets right before he leaves for Augusta

(Thanks to John Gregg, Bill Hudgins and cyberick)

WE SAW LIFT POO CULPRIT OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Covert camera demand to catch lift poo culprit

Key Quote: "If it's a dog it must have incredibly large bowels and a very large bladder."

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

OHIO SOCIAL NOTE

Bride's 'sister-in-law' arrested after she 'refused to stop slow dancing with the groom... and then hit a cop'

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says, "You will never guess what was involved.")

THEY HAVE THIS BLOG'S VOTE

Serbian political party Srpska Lista has decided to bypass any electoral rhetoric and give the people what they want - a big picture of some breasts.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

LAGUNA BEACH: FLATHEAD COUNTY ON THE PACIFIC

A caller said an 8-inch baby alligator was basking on the sidewalk, citing that it had a gator-shaped head and was not a lizard.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

COLLEGE

Matthews said his deputies found students having sex in a horse trailer belonging to the Kershaw County Sheriff’s office parking patrol. Another student, who had stripped down to his boxer shorts, was immediately arrested after attempting to dry hump a deputy’s leg.

(Thanks to David)

WE KNOW WHO WE'RE ROOTING FOR

Robot squirrels from the University of California, Davis, are going into rattlesnake country near San Jose, continuing a research project on the interaction between squirrels and rattlesnakes.

(Thanks to Carl-Bear and David Emery)