« Previous | Main | Next »

March 03, 2012

GOOD burrppppp BOY

How to Train Your Dog to Get You a Beer

(Thanks to Ralph)


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

That would be cute to see but even better if I could get my cat to bring me a pitcher of margaritas or daiquiri's. Yum. Frosty beers are good for the hot summer months.

If it's a breed known for intelligence, they'll train faster -- or, as with most terriers, such as all the Westies we've had in our lives -- they'll look @ y'all and shrug it off ... "Why would I want to get you a beer? Whut's in it for me? Quid pro quo, buddy!"

OTOH, an easily trainable breed such as Labs or Goldens will be eager to please.

Then the problem of the dog having a "soft mouth" will arise.

Unless your pup is gentle, there will be a lot of beer sprayed around the kitchen. Punctured beer cans have been known to spray as high as the average suburban-dwelling ceiling, and up to 15 feet laterally from the point of origin. Perhaps training your dog to also "clean it up" will be required. (Labs, for the most part, will be eager to do this. They'll consume most anything, and will be happy to lick every surface they can reach.)

Once the spraying has been brought under control, a concern must be voiced for controlling the dog's urge to eat (drink, in this case) whatever it is they have obtained.

Some dogs, once sampling beer, will become rather obsessed with the beverage, and therefore reluctant to share with anyone, no matter how much affection the dog will show his "master" under other circumstances. This behavior is not unlike the human who is attempting to train the dog. He (it is never a woman) is selfish enough to want to have all the beers for himself, and not want to share. We have all seen beer drinkers of this type. Do we really need another creature in the house with the same attitude?

In the final analysis, the potential rewards if one is successful in training a canine bartender, are debatable. One final caution should be mentioned, however. A male human who hopes to continue living in a house with a beer-fetching dog should never state this objective aloud, and should also never begin training while any spousal units are on the premises. Separation of wife and dog by several Zip Codes is preferable, and if it can be arranged to have several Area Codes as a buffer zone, this is a preferable choice.

Keep it simple...

Just get a St. Bernard, affix him with a small, battery-driven cooler, and put the beers in it...

Your way allows Fido to accidentally "bite" the beer, and when it leaks, will allow him to lap it up, thus contributing to the deliquency of the pooch....

O the U seems to have enough time on his hands... have HIM train the dogs and then rent them out.

I can't even train my own dogs, Punkin ... why would I wanna be even more frustrated by not trainin' sumbuddy else's ... ?

(Rhetorical question ... and I took off on that little essay above becuz I remembered all the years of non-trainin' of dogs that I've experienced ...)

Maybe they can be trained to bring beer to blind people and...no, I don't like the way this is headed.

I tried this years ago and it didn't end well. Even after rehab I still had to go to AA meetings every Wednesday night. People look at you funny when explain you're only there because you dog cannot drive.

Wonder if this training method works on wives and girlfriends?

I've never been tempted to do this because I'm not sure teaching the dog to open the fridge is a good idea. Sooner or later he'll figure out that that's where food comes from, and rather than fetching you a beer, he'll fetch himself a steak.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise