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March 29, 2012

CSI: FLATHEAD COUNTY

1:50 p.m. A Kalispell man found a suspicious post card in his mailbox and thinks he has a suspect.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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Let me guess!!! The mailman?

. A Columbia Falls man complained that stray dogs have been congregating in his yard.

The Congregation of Dogs from "Our Lady of the Neighbor's Lawn" were singing and passing around the offering bowl.

This place is surreal. Does it actually exist or is it the evil twin of Bedford Falls ?

Y'all could read that last entry as "Terrors loose ..." ... merely sayin' ...

So, the post card wuz suspicious. Whut did it suspect?

2:35 p.m. A man called in and wanted to know if he could check his roommate’s girlfriend’s identification to make sure that she is of age.

I'm assuming this means "of age" to vote in the primaries, right? It's a good thing the man checked with authorities -- those voter ID laws are pretty controversial.

Sad to say, the national news is nuttier.

Odds are, my cousin Bert up in Kalispell is on one end or the other of this situation. And if he's not, he certainly knows everyone involved.

12:20 p.m. A Kalispell woman reported that she was being harassed by someone she assaulted.

When at first you don't succeed?

4:25 p.m. A young man on Fourth Avenue East threw a tantrum when his mom asked him to take out the garbage.
If I were the mom there would be another entry at 4:30 p.m. where the young man called in to say mom had kicked his tail for involving the police.

4:25 and 1 second: Young man gets smacked by mom.

"... stray dogs have been congregating in his yard."

Once they're done with health care, the Supreme Court will take up the question of whether the First Amendment guarantee of freedom of assembly applies to dogs. Arguments are expected to hinge on whether the dogs were assembling peaceably. And of course, what they were assembling.

Well, we already know that corporations are people, Omni; next we'll find out if dogs are too.

Jeff, if the dogs form corporations they can probably run for president.

Suspicious postcards are bad enough, but watch out for those paranoid ones.

I passed through Kalispell a few years ago. I had no idea it was such a hotbed of depravity.

Kalispell is basically the crossroads of US2 and US93. You wouldn't think you could have traffic tieups in a place with only two thoroughfares, but they do.

But Glacier National Park is to die for. Literally, if you run into grizzlies.

Re: "The 5:37 Incident"--Just terriers on the loose, huh? Like a terrier gang? Here in the DC area we have to watch out for Bassett hound gangs, well-known rivals of the terriers. When you're a terrier you're always a terrier. Except in the case of one dog that I had, which was a mix between a terrier and a Bassett hound. We honored the Shakespearean nature of the dog's origins by naming him Cooter.

I thought that line was more like, "When you're a pet, you're a pet all the way, ..."

And of course, Terriers on the Loose was the band formed shortly after Sheepdogs on the Lam broke up. Bassets on the Bass didn't really get off the ground.

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