Dave Barry's Blog

THIS JUST IN

Wang rehab ahead of schedule

(Thanks to ligirl)

PIGEON-PHOBIC CELEBRITY OF THE DAY SO FAR

"I can't stand them after one once flew in through my bathroom window and went for me while I was having a wee.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IN ALL THE EXCITEMENT OVER NATIONAL CLEAVAGE DAY, WE TOTALLY OVERLOOKED THIS

Today is Bunsen Burner Day.

(Thanks to jon harris)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR SCROTAL SUPPORT GARMENT

Hot Defensive Bee Ball

(Thanks to funny man)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE BESPOKE WILLY WARMERS

Give it up for Scrotal Support Garment.

(Thanks to funny man)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

Police have arrested a Medford, Ore., man accused of firing two shots into the air to quiet a pair of neighborhood children playing outside his trailer.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

A Colorado man was sentenced to five years' probation after accidentally shooting a woman whose red mohawk he mistook for a fowl that had been harassing his cats.

(Thanks to Greermac)

WE LOVE THIS WOMAN

Kate Winslet: Celine Dion’s ‘Titanic’ Song Makes Me Want to Throw Up

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

YOU FIRST

Could obesity be cured by injecting our guts with fecal bacteria from ancient mummies?

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, jon harris and Gregg in Austin)

DINING REPORT FROM THE MIDWEST

Mr. Pat Monahan, one of the founders of the World Famous Lawn Rangers of Arcola, Ill., of which this blog is a proud member, sent this photo of an ad for a local restaurant:

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Cooking With Poo

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR HENDRIX

Bespoke Willy Warmers

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ralph)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

The company said it turned out the owner of the other car had left the engine running with three dogs inside and the canines managed to shift the vehicle out of park and send it crashing into the woman's car.

(Thanks to The Perts and Joe in Japan)

NEWS YOU CAN USE

Male gators attracted to tuba's B flat

(Thanks to The Perts)

NEW ZEALAND TRAFFIC REPORT

Woman injured in hollandaise spill

(Thanks to Bill Moore and Joe in Japan)

REMEMBER THE SQUIRREL THAT GOT INTO A COUPLE'S VACATION PHOTO AND BECAME FAMOUS?

Apparently it inspired this sloth.

(Thanks to The Perts)

NATIONAL CLEAVAGE DAY UPDATE

Two thirds of British women use their cleavage to get ahead in life finds Wonderbra poll