Dave Barry's Blog

'FACE-DOWN IN THE DUNG'

A suspected fuel thief being tracked by a Wiltshire Police helicopter tried to avoid detection by on-board thermal imaging cameras by hiding in manure.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

YOU WILL NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS GUESS THE STATE

You can buy driving test answers before exam

(Thanks to R & L Stevenson)

BUT YOU'D HAVE TO BE PRETTY DESPERATE

You can get herpes from coral.

(Thanks to wiredog)

IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THE NATIONAL GUARD IS DISPATCHED TO FLATHEAD COUNTY

3 p.m. A man with slicked back hair reportedly stole a Guns N' Roses-themed bicycle from an East Idaho Street location.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETINNNNNNNNNNNN!

Today is National Cleavage Day. Or maybe it's tomorrow. So just in case, everyone with cleavage should celebrate both days, which by God they know how to do over in England.

(Thanks to jon harris and funny man)

TRY BEFORE YOU BUY

Customer at sex shop locks self in handcuffs

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and funny man)

THE CHICKENS WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING COLD BUT VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Man arrested after dog sniffs meth stuffed in frozen chickens

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

RECREATION AREA OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Recreation Area of the Week So Far, dudes.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

HEY, IT'S FRIDAY, AND YOU TOTALLY NEED TO WASTE FIVE MINUTES AND 26 SECONDS

Here's Liam Neeson demonstrating his comedy improv skills to Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant.

AND ON DRUMS...

Ahem.

Update: Apparently this link is no longer working. Rest assured that steps will be taken, in the form of firing judi.

WE ARE CONFIDENT THAT WHOEVER WAS DRIVING IT POSSESSED A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Drivers surprised by submarine beside I-20

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER....

...for Ancient Dung.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NEW YORK COMMUTER ADVISORY

There's a giant prehistoric snake in Grand Central Terminal.

(Thanks to the Perts)

AND PEOPLE HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY ALCOHOL IMPAIRS YOU

An unnamed man with a scraggly beard is experiencing a few minutes of fame — 6:10 to be exact — after a video of him drunkenly singing the Queen song “Bohemian Rhapsody” in its entirety while sitting in the back of an RCMP squad car surfaced online.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and The Perts)

(We saw Jeff Meyerson and The Perts open for Dion and the Belmonts.)

(Also thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

(And Mitch and KJP)

BARK! BARK! (BURP.) BARK!

Beer-drinking dog receives Kiwi hero medal

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

SUAVE

Police documents said the man would look up employee photos in the database. He “would pick out the attractive females and then on off-hours, he would come into work, go to their desk and urinate on their chairs.”

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Unholy Slacker)