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March 12, 2012

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

Gorilla Reported At Large in Alabama

(Thanks to funny man)

WITHOUT HANDS!

Sperm Discovered Doing Basic Calculus

(Thanks to Gregg in Austin)

BURNING QUESTION OF THE DAY SO FAR

Why Can't Germans Say Squirrel?

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

NAY

Designer makes shoes from horses' hooves

Shoes_rex

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'RE GUESSING THEY PLAY BEETHOVEN

Chinese brothers create orchestra from market vegetables

Names We Are Not Making Fun Of: Nan Weiping and Nan Weidong.

(Thanks to Ralph, who says "I heard it through the grapevine.")

THIS IS ALSO A TECHNICAL FOUL

A basketball coach whose team lost a tournament game in Springfield Friday night was charged with assault after police say he bit off a piece of the winning coach's ear.

(Thanks to cyberick)

A FLORIDA LICENSE ETC.

Car slams into dentist office

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT FABRIC SOFTENER

Police nationwide take on soaring Tide detergent theft

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "All of them made clean getaways.")

WE'VE SEEN WOMEN DO THIS

Vomit bird throws up as defense against predators

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says, "Send it to Washington.")

THIS WILL SURELY IMPROVE ATTENDANCE

Chess tournament bans cleavage

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Marie Osmond sprinkles when she tinkles on stage

(Thanks to jon harris)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

4 Amish charged with illegal alcohol possession after buggy collides with police car

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, Mitchell Raup and Bob Brogan)

BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS 'WORLD-CLASS ATHLETIC COMPETITION' LIKE AN ARMADILLO

2014 World Cup mascot to be an armadilo

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

YUM

Plopp.

39626

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

TIME FOR STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS

Cop: Girlfriend Attacked Me With Justin Bieber Doll

(Thanks to Poker)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Noisy ukulele seized after complaint

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now they're using gophers.

(Thanks to Michael in Minnesota)

THE WORSENING NEW JERSEY TOILET-PAPER CRISIS

New Jersey Capital Will Run Out of Toilet Paper Due to Budget Battle

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

 
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