BE ON THE LOOKOUT
Gorilla Reported At Large in Alabama
(Thanks to funny man)
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March 12, 2012
WITHOUT HANDS!
Sperm Discovered Doing Basic Calculus
(Thanks to Gregg in Austin)
BURNING QUESTION OF THE DAY SO FAR
Why Can't Germans Say Squirrel?
(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)
NAY
WE'RE GUESSING THEY PLAY BEETHOVEN
Chinese brothers create orchestra from market vegetables
Names We Are Not Making Fun Of: Nan Weiping and Nan Weidong.
(Thanks to Ralph, who says "I heard it through the grapevine.")
THIS IS ALSO A TECHNICAL FOUL
A FLORIDA LICENSE ETC.
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT FABRIC SOFTENER
Police nationwide take on soaring Tide detergent theft
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "All of them made clean getaways.")
WE'VE SEEN WOMEN DO THIS
Vomit bird throws up as defense against predators
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says, "Send it to Washington.")
THIS WILL SURELY IMPROVE ATTENDANCE
Chess tournament bans cleavage
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
Marie Osmond sprinkles when she tinkles on stage
(Thanks to jon harris)
APOCALYPSE UPDATE
4 Amish charged with illegal alcohol possession after buggy collides with police car
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, Mitchell Raup and Bob Brogan)
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS 'WORLD-CLASS ATHLETIC COMPETITION' LIKE AN ARMADILLO
2014 World Cup mascot to be an armadilo
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
YUM
TIME FOR STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS
Cop: Girlfriend Attacked Me With Justin Bieber Doll
(Thanks to Poker)
IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE
Noisy ukulele seized after complaint
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
TERRORISM UPDATE
Now they're using gophers.
(Thanks to Michael in Minnesota)
THE WORSENING NEW JERSEY TOILET-PAPER CRISIS
New Jersey Capital Will Run Out of Toilet Paper Due to Budget Battle
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)
