Dave Barry's Blog

VEGAS

“O.K., the Uzi is down right now — sorry!” Melissa Krause, a hostess dressed head to toe in a skin-tight black outfit, with a fake pistol attached to her hip and black boots, told a father and son who had driven three hours from Victorville, Calif. “Is there something else you wanted to choose?”

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Don't you hate it when the Uzi is down?

WE'VE KNOWN SOME EEL-LIKE HUMANS

Eel-like creature identified as 'earliest human ancestor'

(Thanks to The Perts)

APPARENTLY IT WAS HUNGRY

Croc takes chunk of boat motor

(Thanks to The Perts)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

A south Texas wedding reception erupted into a massive brawl that ended with one man shot through the hand and five others headed to jail.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THE ASSAULT ON OUR FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS CONTINUES

DRINKER Dave Marriott faces being kicked out of his local club — because of his FLATULENCE.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DAVE CLARK FIVE

Goblin baboons attack girls in Zimbabwe

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Lion urinates on Ochocinco

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SHE HAS THIS BLOG'S FULL SUPPORT

'I just have a great rack': Oxford University student blasted for 'sexist' attempt to win election to librarian post by boasting about her breasts

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

THE SAME CAN BE SAID OF 'JERSEY SHORE'

Strange Lump of Dark Matter Shouldn't Exist, But Does

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

The spring tilt between San Francisco and Arizona was delayed for 41 minutes after a swarm of bees first appeared in right-center field, then migrated toward the infield, shooing D-backs players away from their defensive positions.

(Thanks to funny man)

HE WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Minnesota man charged with drunk driving Zamboni during pee-wee hockey game

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

Officials at Christ Church Cathedral in Dublin said Sunday they're distraught and perplexed over the theft of the church's most precious relic: the preserved heart of St. Laurence O'Toole, patron saint of Dublin.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)