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February 04, 2012

COLLEGE

"Defendant Hughes placed a bottle rocket in his anus, ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant's rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent the deck."

(Thanks to Mark Adler, Unholy Slacker, Nate West and John Gregg)

Comments

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How do some of these people get into college? I'll bet he's one sore cowpoke too. He's definitely going to need a bigger tube of Preparation H. I was going to call him a dumb @ss but I'm not sure he has one left.

Rectum? Damn near killed him!

Thank you. Try the veal.

I realize this is going to sound odd, but... I often... well, studied in college. True, beer was occasionally usually involved. But never once did I inflict personal injury upon myself or others at a frat party.

And I distinctly remember never-freaking-ever shoving pyrotechnics into anatomically improbable and unapproved places, much lighting the effing fuse. Nor did I witness anyone else doing so, and I'm pretty darned sure I'd remember that, beer or no beer. To quote my Firefly hero Jayne: "I mean, where does that get fun?"

"this startled the plaintiff" - a masterpiece of judicial understatement.. Do you suppose they teach this in law school?

So, let me get this straight. If you crash your car, and I jump out of the way, I can sue the company who made your car, because it "startled me"?

*sign* Freshmen.

Otter: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference?

Back in my day they just lit farts.

well that sure backfired

The much vaunted space shot to the assteroids. A little AnalEze and it might have launched smoothly. Talk about projectile diarrhea.

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Thou shalt not sue your fellow fraternity member.

Loudmouth: the 'space shot to the assteroids' brings on a
BRILLIANT glow of uranus

Shucks, NASA figured this out decades ago:

"While visiting the factory where the booster rocket for his mission was being built, Mercury astronaut Gordon Cooper attached a NASA seal to its side, drew an arrow pointing up and wrote, 'Launch This Way!'"

I expect this case to go all the way to the US Supreme Court; complete with protests: "My anus, my choice!"

I thought we went to the moon in the '60's.

Science project..."Jet Propulsion".

Is this how they treat hemorroids in West Virginia?

Maybe it was having roommates who were majoring in recreational pharmacology, for unlike Carl-Bear my college years did involve visits from emergency personnel and visits to emergency rooms. However I also "distinctly remember never-freaking-ever shoving pyrotechnics into anatomically improbable and unapproved places, much lighting the effing fuse. Nor did I witness anyone else doing so, and I'm pretty darned sure I'd remember that".

SNORK @ Carl!

robert:

They usually use a hack saw. Dynamite is for fishin'!

"...that's were he got his bright idea." snork

where, not were

"Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to fire bottle rockets out of his anus."

*swoons* at The Majestic Language of Jurisprudence

A classic case of 'failure to launch'.

It doesn't mention how much the plaintiff had to drink. Frat house...drunken, underage frat boys...bottlerockets...bad ideas...and only when it exploded did this guy think to jump back.

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