Dave Barry's Blog

THIS EXPLAINS A GREAT DEAL

1.8 MILLION dead people still registered to vote  in the U.S., study says

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who notes that they all have Florida drivers' licenses)

WHOA

Shark devours another shark whole

(Thanks to Ms. Flukey)

WHERE THE HELL IS THE UNITED NATIONS?

Shakira attacked by sea lion

(Thanks to Jeff Clapp)

ROMANTIC DINING ALERT

"Tongue in Testicles is always a good one,” Knight says of his sheep testicle and lamb tongue mélange.

(Thanks to Karen in Panama City)

INCREDIBLY, ETC.

East Naples man whacks teen with vomit-covered mop, deputies say

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

We saw Vomit Covered Mop open for the Sex Pistols.

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

The Britain's Got Talent dog acts have reportedly caused "chaos" backstage on the ITV1 reality show because of the amount of poo they left behind.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE'LL NEVER FORGET WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THE NEWS

Miley Cyrus Cuts Her Hair Again!

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Australian fined for showing buttocks to Elizabeth

(Thanks to Robert Shaw)

PROBING THAT FINE LINE BETWEEN 'HOBBY' AND 'MENTAL ILLNESS'

A Canadian guy named Joe has been digging out the basement of his house using nothing but radio-controlled scale model construction equipment... since 1997.

(Thanks to Ron Gibb)

GETTING IN THE MOOD, MINNESOTA-STYLE

Minnesota Zoo gives adults-only mating tour tonight

(Thanks to Fred Hudson)

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, GUYS

You know what she wants.

WE'RE SURE THERE'S A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

Thai Man Found with 10,000 Pairs of Women’s Underwear

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

GIDDYUP

Nude Cowgirl Leads Police on Chase

Incredibly, alcohol appears to have been involved.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

OK, BUT WE ALSO FIND THE SMURFS TO BE OBSCENE

Dad plays porn instead of 'Smurfs' at kid's party

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

MARKETING

“All websites in Italy end in .it so we had a look there."

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

LAND OF ROMANCE

Malaysia Celebrates Valentine's Day by Arresting Unmarried Couples

(Thanks to jon harris)

WE HOPE THEY WERE HIS

Florida man goes on crime spree in underpants

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Swiss man replaces car's broken heater with a wood burning stove

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Couples can divorce inside 24 hours

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE THINK: GOD HELP US IF THEY FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE CREDIT CARDS

What do you think of direct-to-dog advertising?

(Thanks to The Perts)

TODAY'S LITERARY SELECTION

Unfortunately our strict standards of decency prohibit us from presenting Today's Literary Selection.

Advisory: Bad word.

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY ROBBERS

Cops among Florida's worst speeders

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

CSI: MINNESOTA

Man Charged With Stealing Thousands In Detergent

(Thanks to Greg Snow, Bill Hudgins and Jeffrey Brown, who note that the suspect almost made a clean getaway.)