Dave Barry's Blog

NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM

A 32-year-old model who held the record for the world's largest implants has walked away from a car crash after her breasts acted as an airbag.

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

IF I CAN MAKE IT THERE

In the moments after New England’s dreams of Super Bowl glory went down the drain with Tom Brady’s failed last-second Hail Mary toss, toilet use spiked a staggering 13 percent in the city, according to Department of Environmental Protection.

(Thanks to Lani)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Mysterious ‘manure foam’ causes pig farms to explode

(Thanks to Justin Beland)

GOOD TO KNOW

Half of single women carry a pair of sexy knickers in their handbag… just in case

(Thanks to Layzeeboy)

THE WEIRD THING IS, SLEEPING WHALES TALK IN YIDDISH

Dolphins Reported Talking Whale in Their Sleep

(Thanks to funny man)

NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ONE

Dry cleaning clerk in St. Charles stabs robber with seam ripper

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

AND STILL OUR MISSILES GO UNUSED

Jersey City clears 'Jersey Shore' spinoff starring Snooki, JWoww

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

PARTY TIME, KALAMAZOO-STYLE

An official says four people got stuck in a Kalamazoo parking ramp elevator for about an hour because they apparently were jumping up and down.

(Thanks to Dan Barr)

THIS IS NOT FUNNY, BUT IF YOU HAVE A LITTLE TIME:

It's interesting, and moving: The 9/11 boatlift from Manhattan.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NOTHING SAYS 'HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY'

...like edible meat underwear.

(Thanks to The Perts)

STAND TALL, CEDAR RAPIDS

...the acronym of CR App has turned out to be a rather effective marketing tool.

(Thanks to Trent Whitney)

A WATERPROOF FLORIDA LICENSE...

...is on the way.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AS PROKY THE PIG WOULD SAY

(Thanks to queensbee)

JUST THE DOORS, THOUGH

Brothel opens its doors to homeless

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE DON'T KNOW THE FRENCH WORD FOR THIS, BUT:

Oops.

KINKY

Zoo to 'marry' sheep and deer

(Doo-dah, doo-dah)

(Thanks to Ralph)

BECAUSE THEY'RE IDIOTS?

Why do people dress up their pets?

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

THIS WILL SURELY MAKE HER LOVE HIM EVEN MORE

Dorian Ford, 19, claimed he staged his own kidnapping and asked his mom to pay the bogus ransom to see if she loved him enough to pay, authorities said Wednesday.

(Thanks to Tagman)

APPARENTLY THEY ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH 'JERSEY SHORE'

British Scientists Show Vegetables Can 'Talk'

(Thanks to Ralph)

NO WORD ON THE FRENCH RESPONSE

Fake rhino attempts zoo escape

Do not miss the video.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

WE SHALL NEVER FORGET WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THE AWFUL NEWS

Woman with the longest fingernails in the world breaks them all in a car crash

(Thanks to Ralph)