Dave Barry's Blog

IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE HUGH HEFNER

Mating call of an extinct bush-cricket rings out again after 165m years

(Thanks to The Perts)

PHARMACY TECHNICIAN OF THE WEEK

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Pharmacy Technician of the Week.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

TODAY'S TIP FOR CHINESE MOTORISTS

If parking is really cheap, there's probably a reason.

(Thanks to The Perts)

OK, WE'RE LISTENING

What If All the Cats in the World Suddenly Died?

(Thanks to The Perts)

THEN, HAVING ADVISED HIMSELF OF HIS RIGHTS, HE TASED HIMSELF

An undercover policeman "chased" himself for more than 20 minutes after a CCTV operator mistook him for a suspect.

(Thanks to Another Ralph, Mike Zlotnick, The Perts and ligirl)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Purple Squirrel Found in Pennsylvania

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

CSI: IOWA CITY

Iowa Police Seek Public's Help In Armed Robbery Of $250 "Mega Masturbator"

Advisory: Not 100 percent SFW.

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

We considered a headline about catching him red-handed, but decided we are better than that.

WAIT... WHOSE WIFE? THE JUDGE'S?

Judge Orders Florida Man To Take His Wife on a Date

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, funny man, Jeff Meyerson. Janice Gelb and Another Ralph)

SOMEBODY ELSE CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO CURE THE COMMON COLD

Chinese researchers create piglets with glow in the dark trotters

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

PASS THE TARTAR SAUCE

Whoa.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE HAVE ALWAYS FOUND IT TO BE A RELIABLE SOURCE

U.S. Rep. John Fleming has deleted a post on his Facebook page about a Planned Parenthood "Abortionplex" after discovering it was from The Onion.

(Thanks to The Perts)

GOLF:

It's a man's sport.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

Minister caught watching porn in Karnataka Assembly

Key Name We Are Not Making Fun Of: Laxman Savadi

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

MY KIND OF TOWN

Miami police find 10 grenades and a pig in home

(Thanks to Mrs. Blog)

Update: Mrs. Blog just passed along this email, which she received from one of our friends:

Michelle,

I just needed to pass this on to Dave. Tony just called me from his office on Alhambra Circle in Coral Gables. He was looking out the window and saw a pig walking down the street. It was followed by a few cop cars. Some of the cops were out of their cars, with lassos trying to get the pig. Apparently it got out of a nearby house  where some people were squatting.  The squatters had  grenades, marijuana, cocaine and the pig.

Julie

TREND ALERT:

The Squoob.

(Thanks to Ralph)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS LEFT

Austin man could face charges after accepting liquor delivery in the nude, police say

(Thanks to Dan)

NOTED

Clark is sometimes known as "the frog licker" because she often does just that.  But she's quick to add that "I don't recommend this because if you lick the wrong frog it can be very bad."

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

THERE SHE IS....

Sausage Blooper Anchor Woman

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)