Dave Barry's Blog

NO WORD ON THE FRENCH RESPONSE

Big freeze stops famed Brussels statue from peeing

(Thanks to Gregg in Austin and Jeffrey Brown)

IT WAS ADVISED OF ITS RIGHTS, THEN TASERED

Albemarle County Deputy Attacked by Rooster

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

THERE'S AN APP FOR THAT

Sex on first date more likely for Android users

(Thanks to The Perts)

BUY THE CHEESE-GRATER, OR ELSE

A six-foot-five Tupperware drag queen.

(Thanks to funny man)

ATTENTION, CERTAIN MEN

Here you go.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CHARGE, DON'T LET YOUR DOGS RUN AT LARGE

Park ranger shoots man with stun gun for walking dogs off-leash

(Thanks to Rick Day)

MEDICAL PRACTITIONER OF THE DAY SO FAR

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Medical Practitioner of the Day So Far.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

STUDLY

Spider's Detachable Penis Finishes Without Him

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and Ralph)

ON THE POSITIVE SIDE, THERE WERE NO FROSTBITE DEATHS

The Daily Press of Escanaba reports only one fish was caught by the more than 400 kids and adults participating in this weekend's Jig It Ice Fishing Extravaganza at Escanaba Yacht Harbor in the Upper Peninsula.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

ROMANTIC

Artificial intelligence researcher Hooman Samani has developed the kiss messenger, or Kissenger, to add a new dimension to those wistful Skype-dates with someone far away.

(Thanks to The Perts)

HE IS WELCOME ON THE STREETS OF MIAMI

Zamboni operator arrested for allegedly driving drunk at Minnesota rink

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Monkey Owners hiding out in Texas

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

CSI: KINGSTON

Kingston man accused of stealing giant mushroom cap

(Thanks to Jason Schreiber)

THESE INDIVIDUALS ALSO POSSESS VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Donors To Stephen Colbert Super PAC Include Frumunda Mabalz and Ibin Yerkinoff, Records Show

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

AND I THINK TO MYSELF, WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD

Slope sex shop dispatches toys within an hour — by bike!

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

GIVE THIS CITY A MEDAL

Hoboken rejects permit request for ‘Jersey Shore’ spinoff

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THEY NEED MORE TIME FOR TEXTING

Call centre workers in Norway are protesting against a system that triggers an alarm if they spend more than eight minutes in the loo.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

EW

Texting on the toilet: Restroom phone use prevalent among Americans

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS JUST IN

USAF’s Big Penetrator Needs to Be Harder

(Thanks to Peter [Har] Metrinko, Gregg in Austin and Unholy Slacker)

YOU THINK?

Vero wife upset at hubby's request to 'use the bed' with another woman

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THE ASSAULT ON OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS CONTINUES

Jail for Man Who Attacked Police With Light Sabers

(Thanks to about 14 million people)

PROBABLY JUST A FLORIDIAN PARALLEL-PARKING

A man in New Haven was sleeping until a car crashed into his house and landed on top of him.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

KINKY

When eagle sex goes wrong.

(Thanks to David Satterfield)

TODAY'S ART REPORT

Unfortnately, our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you Today's Art Report.

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve)