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December 27, 2011

DESPITE MILLIONS OF YEARS OF FAILURE

The hotter the woman, the better men think chances are

(Thanks to Karen in Panama City)

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Other amazing revelations from the male (my) mind:
-I can set lesbians straight.
-My body odor is sexy.
-Teenage girls want me.
-I'm incredibly charming when I'm drunk.
-I could have been a doctor.
-I could have been an actor.
and last. but not least
-I can play that solo better than Clapton.


If doctors would stop dropping us guys on our heads at birth, maybe we would stop this behavior. Nahhh.

Good one, random.

For women, she says, save the flirting for guys you actually are interested in sleeping with. "Men seem to take any flirtatious signal and run with it."

Sort of goes with Dave's words of wisdom about women worrying about how they look when guys just want them there, naked.

I paraphrase, of course.

I think the basic misconception is, "If a woman other than my mother is in any way nice to me, it's because she WANTS me."

I do know some women who get away with flirting without (too many) guys taking them seriously. They either a) flirt with EVERYone, including your 98-year-old uncle, or b) they look like your 98-year-old uncle.

Oh, Lord, watch out. The National Association of 98-year-old Uncles will be all over you for that one.

I disagreed with this article.
Now, if you'll excuse me, i'm going to give Scarlett Johannson a call.

random, that is the most frightening glimpse into every male mind I've ever met.

Thanks Random. Now I understand the male thought process a little better. btw guys, if a woman sprays you with pepper spray or uses a stun gun on you, she probably isn't interested in having sex with you.

Not necessarily, cindy...

;)

Hope springs eternal. I mean she didn't use the entire bottle.

98-year-old uncle here, and I've got my tooth brushed, my eyebrows brushed back over the bald spot, my size 48 waistband pulled up to my ribcage, and I'm ready for some rock and roll!
(Hi, Sweetie, I couldn't help noticing the way you were looking me over. How about a little smooch?)

Every man looking at himself in the mirror is just that far (thumb and forefinger 1/4" apart) from the Olympics with just a little work. Damn I look good. I almost have abs.

All of us need a governor in the engineering sense. It sits on our shoulders and whisper words of wisdom.
"You're about to do something incredibly stupid" it says.
Unfortunately, there is a time lag and we don't really hear those words until it is way to late.
This explains sex and politics.

I was a nursing supervisor in a nursing home several years ago. I had no idea that men thought this way until one older gentleman got very angry one day (in fact he hit me in the throat sending me to the ER) because he saw my boyfriend bringing me lunch. He said he couldn't believe I was cheating on him. I really had no idea because I thought I had treated him like every other patient plus he was in his 90's and was old enough to be my grandpa! I remember an older column of Dave's where he said men only look in the mirror facing frontward, whereas a woman looks at herself from all angles. Try turning sideways Loudmouth.

cindy, that guy was a bit of an exaggeration. Most old men would only glare at you.

" Tons " of studies...? I knew I should have been a science major.

Elon, to pay him back I "accidentally" stepped on his oxygen tubing a couple of times when he was using it. Not really, but I sure thought about it.

Can't really blame you, if you did. We men can be such asses sometimes.

cindy, if I turn sideways I'll pass out from lack of oxygen.

For women, she says, save the flirting for guys you actually are interested in sleeping with. "Men seem to take any flirtatious signal and run with it."
Now, you see, I learned that lesson the hard way, in my (very early) 20s. Since then, I never assume "flirtatious", just "friendly" and leave it at that.

No fool like an old fool.
I know that is true, I was the old fool once!
Totters off to the bus!

Guy thinking:

"If I said you had a beautiful body
would you hold it against me?"

In truth, however, I've never had this problem. Just the opposite, in fact. Any time a female showed interested I was shocked, well surprised at least. I never made the first move unless I had good reason to think it was mutual.

You want to know if guys are spring loaded to thinking that you want them go to a college reunion.

Alumni girl: "Would you please pass the salt?"
Alumni guy: "You want me."
Alumni girl,"No, I want the salt."
Alumni guy,"Now I REALLY KNOW that you want me."
Alumni Girl,"I will shoot you in the head if you don't leave me alone."
Alumni guy, 'You're just being coy."

Thank you for your profound words of wisdom, Steve:

"All of us need a governor in the engineering sense. It sits on our shoulders and whisper words of wisdom. "You're about to do something incredibly stupid" it says. Unfortunately, there is a time lag and we don't really hear those words until it is way to late."

I'm going to make a sampler and present it to my soon-to-be ex-husband who just couldn't resist chasing after a hot bod who was 16 years younger than he. Unfortunately, at 300 lbs., he didn't realize his mirror was broken.

I'm convinced men are idjits who only think with their little heads.

Except for the blog and his humble men-type followers, of course.

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