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October 31, 2011

YET ANOTHER PITCH FROM A P.R. PERSON WHO CLEARLY HAS US CONFUSED WITH SOME OTHER BLOG

We recently published an article that you may be interested in entitled, “The Top 10 Valedictorian Speeches on YouTube."

After having followed your blog for a while, I feel that this one article would align well with your blog's subject matter. I thought perhaps you'd be interested in sharing this article with your readers? Thanks, and keep up the great blogging!

You're very welcome!

Comments

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After having followed your blog for a while, I feel that this one article would align well with your blog's subject matter.

Hahahahaha - wait, it's Halloween, not April 1.

Now I'm confused.

Unlike all the HS and college valedictorian speeches I've been forced to endure (but never presented!), I have nothing to say to that...

Commencement means beginning, blah, blah, blah...

There. You have them all. You're welcome.

fellow classmates ............snore

The following students are being held back and will not receive their diplomas. Please remain in your seats when your row stands.

Somehow this ties into the vampire dolls. I don't know how, but I know it does.

Oh wait...they both suck! One of many eerie
similarities.

Odd coincidence - I got the very same pitch, word-for-word. I remember it because I thought my blog topic (effects of variable amounts of castor bean ingestion on the digestive tract functioning of Peruvian Hairless Weasels) was aimed at a somewhat different audience. I feel reassured now.

Your life as an alumnus begins with a nap.

Uugh, not even the main graduation speaker. Valedictory speeches are the most inane, filled with lollypops & unicorns. We are the friggin' future.

The main speaker at my daughter's graduation gave them the most valuable job interview tip. "Show up 15 minutes early and show up sober".

National Lampoon's "Deteriorata" seems to be the base model for all such speeches:

You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here...
Deteriorata! Deteriorata!

Go placidly
Amid the noise and waste.
And remember what comfort there may be
In owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons
Unless you are in need of sleep.

Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
And heed well their advice,
Even though they be turkeys.

Know what to kiss... and when!

Consider that two wrongs never make a right
But that THREE... do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold.

Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

Chorus

You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Remember the Pueblo.

Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mu-ti-late.

Know yourself.
If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you.
That lemon on your left, for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.

Fall not in love therefore;
It will stick to your face.

Gracefully surrender the things of youth:
The birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan
And let not the sands of time
Get in your lunch.

Hire people with hooks.

For a good time call 606-4311;
Ask for "Ken."

Take heart amid the deepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.

And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

Chorus

You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god
Whatever you conceive him to be
Hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.

With all it's hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal
The world continues to deteriorate.

GIVE UP!

Reprise

You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.

I think the best graduation speech would be, "Here's your diploma. Don't let the door hit you in the hienie on your way out of the auditorium".

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