A friend of mine recently posted the following quotation of yours as her Facebook status:
"Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter."
Since it was a boring day at work I decided to quibble thusly in response: "I may be quibbling, but wouldn't that particular animal be above the earth until the moment of impact at which point it's velocity is dramatically reduced?" A fair point I feel, if perhaps not in the intended spirit.
My friend replied: "You are quibbling and maybe one day, after spending many years seeking out Dave Barry, you can tell him that you have a 'quibble' to take up with him :)" Challenge accepted. I would like to inform you, sir, that I have a quibble to take up with you. Namely, a cow dropped from a helicopter does not qualify (for the reason stated above) as the fastest animal on Earth. I realize that this claim was made by "scientists" but perhaps you could be so kind as to reveal your source.
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Dear Scott --
No offense, but: You idiot. The cow is still going very, very fast when it makes contact with -- and is therefore "on" -- the Earth. This was verified by a groundbreaking experiment conducted in 1953 by Albert Einstein at a cocktail party.
Dave Barry, Ph.D.