Dave Barry's Blog

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

Somebody is finally doing something about those hateful little ketchup packets. 

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

HOW THE WEST WAS WON

Remote control.

(Thanks to jon harris)

HARDLY USED

Bargain coffins from Transylvania

(Thanks to jon harris)

WHICH EXPLAINS WHY SO MANY SECURITIES-FRAUD PROSECUTIONS END IN SPANKINGS

A well-respected lawyer in the state Attorney General’s Office spends her days toiling in securities fraud -- and her nights moonlighting as a dominatrix, The Post has learned.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IS THERE ANYTHING IT CAN'T DO?

When beer saves lives

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

 

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

A man who became incensed by the non-stop coughing of his neighbours ended up stealing two cars before being caught after a police chase.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

A MISTAKE ANYONE COULD HAVE MADE

An Oregon man pressed his luck one too many times and spent the night in a Nebraska detox cell after twice mistaking a police station for a casino and asking authorities for blackjack chips.

(Thanks to R&L Stevenson)

PEOPLE OF GREATER LOS ANGELES:

Ridley and I will be talking about The Bridge to Never Land Thursday Evening at Track 16 at Bergamot Station in Santa Monica for the Live Talks Los Angeles series. The reception starts at 6:30. We hope you can join us. Ridley will kick the evening off by attempting to perform the overture to Porgy and Bess using only armpit noises.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

A TRIPLE axe murderer has been let loose in public – to chop down trees.

(Thanks to Lani, and Fred Hudson)

SEND IT TO... NEVER MIND, IT'S ALREADY HEADED THAT WAY

Manure Spill Over Mile Long Closes Md. Road

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger, Bill Hudgins, Unholy Slacker and Ralph)

IT'S TIME TO PLAY.... GUESS THE STATE!

Retail merchant account provider MerchantService.com will give a voucher good for a free AK-47 assault rifle to new customers, depending on the amount of business they do.

(Thanks to LArry Martell and Sharon Lurie)

YOUR DAILY WILDFIRE REPORT

Unfortunately, our strict policy prhibits us from bringing you your Daily Wildfire Report.

(Thanks to B'game)