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July 29, 2011

AS RECOMMENDED BY DOCTORS

Man inserts milk bottle up his bottom 'to relieve constipation'

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

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I can't tell you how many times I've seen this happen in the ER. It almost never works. We had a guy come in one time that had a mag light flashlight up in his nether regions. He said he accidentally sat on it in his truck. Strange. There were no holes in his overalls.

um,

'dairy queen'?

*snork*@sandy

as a matter of mental health I do not read articles with this type headline. My brain hurts from just reading the headline. I may have to read it though to see if it was a quart bottle or a gallon jug, Elsie is disgusted. I know, back on the bus

ofg, quart bottle.

SNORK@ sandy.

I thought dairy products MADE one constipated? Nurcecindy?

oldguy,
Yo9u are a much better person than I am.

cindy, I agree. Many years ago when I worked the ER this was a common occurrence. My favorite was when we spent two hours one night removing broken pieces of light bulb from a vajayjay. "Do you think we got it all," I asked the doc I was working with. "If not, her boyfriend will be in here tomorrow," was his response.

I witnessed a similar episode involving a potato. Should I slice it or dice it? asked the ER medico.

NurseCindy? This is somehow your fault:


This little rectal light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine.
Oh, this little rectal light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine.

Lube it first with KY? No!
It's going to fit just fine.

Lube it first with KY? No!
It's going to fit just fine.

Don't let the doctor pull it out
I'm going to let it shine

Don't let the doctor pull it out
I'm going to let it shine

Let it Shine
In my bum
All the time
Oh yeah!

Why'd the staff all laugh at me?
This was my playtime.
Oh, why'd the staff all laugh at?
This was my playtime.


Pay the fine.
Tell the judge,
I'll pay the fine.


...butt the bottle SAID 'hole milk'...

I can't tell you how many times I've seen this happen in the ER. It almost never works.

So cindy, you're saying occasionally it does work?

oldfatguy, actually it might have been a pint bottle.

Dave, I want to know what doctor it was who recommended it. Doctor Ruth? Doctor J? Or was it perhaps Dr. Tusch?

Thanks Pirate Boy! Now that song is stuck in my head. We called him the human glow worm. Jeff, it usually works when you tell them how you're going to remove it.

SNORK @ all of you! Applause, applause! Love your song, Pirate, and the rest of you, just pour bleach into your ears and try to erase this story. The bus will always wait for you, ofg!

Excellent, PB!
I was wondering where he found a milk bottle now days.
Turns out, he needed a good flashlight. Maglight, anyone?

When told to take milk of magnesia for his constipation, he was apparently confused?

Coconuts you would be surprised at how confused some people can get when it comes to taking medicine. One lady came back and told us she couldn't swallow the pill we had given her for nausea. It was a suppository. Another lady (?) had a pelvic infection from her choice of spermicidal jelly. It was made by Smucker's. It took me 10 mins to quit laughing long enough to tell her that was the wrong kind of jelly. AND I swear I am not making any of those stories up.

@nc - or how about the woman who became pregnant despite having a prescription for birth control pills - they kept falling out.

I haven't heard that one Jeff but I did tell an inmate once he should try the aspirin method of birth control. Put an aspirin between her knees and if it falls stop and run. He was in jail for non-support of 15 children.

He couldn't pass glass.

Another lyric, this type from Blondie's Heart of Glass (Naturally:


Once I had a love, and it was all glass,
Doctor said, it was a pain in my $#s!

Sub /type/time/*

A little Gilbert O'Sullivan for a Friday afternoon:


In a little while from now,
If I'm still not feeling so hot,
I promised myself not to treat myself
But to visit a nearby doc.

While climbing to his door,
Realized I felt quite sore
In an effort to make it clear to you
What it's like when your glass shatters.

Left standing as I lurched, past a church
With people saying,
"My God that's tough, he shoved it up!
No point in us all jeering.
We can laugh at home."
As I once did on my own,
Alone again, rectally

To think that only yesterday,
I was cheerful, bright and HEY!
Looking forward to, but just couldn't do,
The game I was about to play.

But as fate knocked me down,
Sobriety came around
And without so much as my mere touch,
Cut me into little pieces.

Leaving me to doubt,
All about Walter's big Oosik
For if one really does exist
Why did he not phone me
In my hour of need?
I truly am indeed,
Alone again, rectally.

It seems to me that
There are more bottles
Broken in my 'arse
That can't be mended
Left unattended
What do they do? What should I do?

(instrumental break)

Now looking back over the years,
And what ever object appears,
I remember I cried as my doctor tried
Every thing just to pull it out.
And at 55 years old,
My doctor, God rest his soul,
Couldn't understand,
Why a fully grow man
He had never seen have this fetish.
Leaving him to stare at a glass
So badly broken
Despite encouragement from PB
No puns were ever spoken,

And when he went away
His staff, they cheered all day.
Alone again, rectally
Alone again, rectally.

The concept of relieving constipation by cramming more items into your dark regions sounds very similar to congress trying to aliviate our debt problem by allowing themselves to spend more.

The more I think that over the more perfectly apt it sounds.

Holds up lighter for PirateBoy!

And, totally agrees with Martini Shark.

Traditional Chinese medicine?

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