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May 27, 2011

EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF THIS BLOG

Cleveland County school counselor fears clowns, but hopes to inspire students

(Thanks to nursecindy)

THANKS, BUT WE'D PREFER TO EXPLODE

Simple Emergency Toilet

Taking-a-crap-inside-a-bag
(Thanks to Steve @ Secret Location)

FUN DUDE

Biologist Counting How Many Bugs Are Killed by Cars

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

SPECIAL DELIVERY

Pooping postman will keep job

(Doo-dah, doo-dah)

(Thanks to B'game)

'MOM, CAN WE KEEP IT? PLEASE?'

Boy, 10, drags 6-foot alligator home from canal

(Thanks to Gator Jane, Jeff Meyerson and Ralph)

HE'S WELCOME TO SOUTH FLORIDA'S RAIN

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says Europe 'stealing Iran's rain'

(Thanks to manual tomato)

May 26, 2011

IT'S AMAZING THAT GUYS EVER MAKE IT TO ADULTHOOD

Fun with shopping carts.

(Thanks to funny man)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER

Lowe's toilet-smuggling theft ring busted

(Thanks to funny man)

ATTENTION, NOBEL JUDGES

Scientists report that dogs slobber all over the place when drinking water

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

Introducing the world's biggest saw that can cut through mountains

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE JEFFERSON STARSHIP

Feuding helium dwarfs exposed by eclipse

(Thanks to Jeff Matthews, who claims he saw them open for Snow White)

Related Update: Roswell UFO piloted by Russian mutant midgets

(Thanks to Dr. Doug)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING NICHOLAS CAGE

How Nazi Scientists Tried to Create an Army of Talking Dogs

(Thanks to Kjetil, who says, "What's that, Lassie?")

TOTALLY SELF-DEFENSE

St. Lucie County man reports wife shot AR-15 at target in bedroom closet and missed, nailing washing machine and flooding house

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW

Can Caffeine-Laced Pants Help You Lose Weight?

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

IT'S ALWAYS IN THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Man finds mountain lion in his garage

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

ACADEMIC JOB POSTING OF THE WEEK SO FAR

We got yer academic posting right here.

(Thanks to Tagman)

THERE SHE IS....

Elma, Wash., dairy princess is lactose intolerant

(Thanks to Sharon Chapman)

WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO TELL THIS BLOG THAT TODAY'S YOUNG PEOPLE LACK INITIATIVE

...this blog begs to differ.

(Thanks to Dan)

AND IT WAS NOT HAPPY

Dinosaur catches fire at Ohio amusement park

(Thanks to Andrew Hoenig)

THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN OLD ULM

Burnsville company's crew removes siding from wrong New Ulm house

(Thanks to Daniel Fischer)

AN OPPORTUNITY THAT DOES NOT COME ALONG EVERY DAY

Severed head of genital disease saint for sale in Ireland

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown, who notes that Father's Day is coming.)

CELEBRITY QUARTET OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Queen Latifah bonds with Dolly Parton over breasts

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

Update: Related legal item here.

(Thanks to Sharon Lurie, Davec, Jeff Meyerson, Sharon Lurie and RussellMc)

BECAUSE THE NEXT STEP IS HEROIN

Denmark bans Marmite

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SUMMER TIME IS FUN TIME!

Man accused of attacking woman with swim noodle over watermelon dispute at Lowdermilk Park

EICHNER_t160
(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet)

WAIT... YOU DON'T?

"If you really want to get to know someone, you don't ask what's between their legs."

(Thanks to Pythias)

WHY ICE-CREAM VENDORS SHOULD BE ARMED

A MR WHIPPY ice cream vendor has been beaten and robbed in New Zealand after he refused to dish out free soft serve.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan and Jeff Meyerson)

MORE DANGERS OF FLORIDA

#127 - Anything involving interaction with other people.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and Chris Elzi)

ALSO, DRIVING

Warning: Walking on a Florida street may be dangerous

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

May 25, 2011

IT WAS TRYING TO FINISH ITS BOTTLE OF WATER

Bruce Auchly, information officer for Fish, Wildlife & Parks, said the young bear had been going back and forth in front of the terminal doors, triggering the motion detectors to open the doors, though it did not enter the building.

(Thanks to Jan Haemig)

YOU MAY NOT EVEN HAVE TO STOP

"When you stop to think about it, it's a very boring type of project to undertake," he said.

(Thanks to The Perts)

YUM

"Hi, honey! What's for dinner?"

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE'RE TOTALLY MOTIVATED, DUDE

The unit was responding to a report in German tabloid Bild, that published photographs showing sales agents snorting white powder from a table-top at an employee motivation party held in the holiday resort of Mallorca last September.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

RECREATION

People of Austin head down to the river to swim on hot days. We decided not to jump in.
Nutria w pigeon

The hottest ticket is the nightly exodus of one and a half million1 bats from under the bridge.
Bats n building 2
1 True fact.

CULTURE

The Austin area is home to some stunning works of art.
Football seahorse

GOOD FOOD

It's easy for tourists to find all the best restaurants.

Good food

Jackalope sml

HIGHER EDUCATION

While The Blog's away, the s.b. gets to share vacation photos. Here's the book buy-back crew at UT in Austin:

Book buyback at UT

ADVISORY

Blogging from me will be light today, because I'm in New York for the booksellers convention, which is where we authors go to act like complete strumpets meet with booksellers. Last night at the Disney Publishing dinner a group of men who have written children's books sang a protest song in honor of Bob Dylan's 70th birthday, titled "Everybody's Writing a Goddam Children's Book." The group was (from left) Ridley Pearson, Eoin Colfer, Rick Riordan, the late Ray Charles and Mo Willems (who took a triangle solo). When we were finished there was hardly a pair of dry underpants in the house.

05242011159

May 24, 2011

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kim Kardashian and Snooki stop the haters in new reality-comedy H8R

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CATCHY NAME

An exciting new hand sanitizer.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

IT WON'T SEEM SO COOL WHEN, LATE ONE NIGHT, THEY RIP THEIR OWNERS' THROATS OUT

The 25 Coolest Pugs At Puglandia

Enhanced-buzz-12840-1306176059-17
(Thanks to Magnolia)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TURTLES

Stowaway groundhog creates a mess inside Pennsylvania man's car

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

CLASSY

WORKERS at a casino in New Zealand's largest city have been forced to wear flea collars to work in a bid to ward off fleas.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

SHE WANTS THEM BACK?

An outback Queensland town is offering a reward for a native rat that has stolen a woman's set of false teeth.

(Thanks to Ralph)

REMINDER:

Tomorrow is Towel Day, a tribute to the great Douglas Adams.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THEY'RE NOT SAYING WHO BOUGHT IT, BUT WE'RE ASSUMING ELTON JOHN

Princess Beatrice's 'Toilet Seat' Hat Sells for Over $130,000

Princess_beatrice
(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

THEY'RE DEADLY WHEN AROUSED

U.K. police use helicopters to hunt toy tiger

(Thanks to The Perts and Orly Seidman)

IT'S TIME TO BAN THOSE THINGS

Glue gun used in workplace assault

(Thanks to Yvonne Fortin)

PRESENTING: THE NEXT HEAD OF THE IMF

A Gastonia man suspected of taking off his pants and exposing a fast food worker to his private parts over the restaurant’s lack of chicken legs has been arrested.

(Thanks to queensbee)

ATTENTION, SCIENCE-FAIR PARTICIPANTS

How to build a Taser for free!

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown, who also submitted this useful project)

May 23, 2011

DING DONG

C'mon, smell my toilet.

 
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