PROBABLY GETTING READY FOR THE DRAFT
Shocking Fact: Methamphetamines may have been involved.
...Batie was found standing in the dirt next to the cemetery with a flashlight, yelling in the dark. Police said that Batie was wearing an Oakland Raiders jacket, a g-string and a hair scrunchie around his genitals. He was also wearing socks.
Wait... he was wearing socks? So what's the problem?
(Thanks to Matt Filar)