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February 22, 2011

THEN HOW DO WE EXPLAIN HUGH HEFNER?

103-year-old puts longevity down to remaining a virgin

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

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Straight-laced Gladys Gough has remained a virgin her entire life because she ”couldn’t be bothered” with intimate relationships.

Incredibly, Gladys has also never smoked, drank a drop of alcohol or taken any prescription or off-the-shelf drugs in her long life.

NTTAWWT, if you call that "living" I guess.

*getting my affairs in order as I expect to keel over at any moment*

Poor thing.

"Ossified Hyman" WBAGNFARB

bonmot - If she were to "get some" at this point (shudder, gag, vomit), I'm imagining a sound like the one you get when you open a new can of tennis balls.


*pass the brain, eye, memory bleach, please*

I, too, am a 103 year old virgin. I don't drink, smoke, or take drugs-prescription or otherwise.
That noise in the next room? Pay no attention. My grandpa is a hellraiser.

It turns out that she was actually born in 1988. She just feels like she's 103.

Velma and Earl had dated for a while at the seniors' home, and they finally decided it was time to do it.

Afterward, Earl thought to himself, "Wow, if I had suspected she was a virgin, I would have been gentler."

And Velma thought, "Wow. If I knew he could still get it up, I'd have taken off my pantyhose."

bon is evil. I am jealous.

I do have to ask, though, how many years has it been since Gladys had to, shall we say, mount a serious defense?

That cherry has to have become wine by this point. Just sayin'.

*snorkewwwww* @ BFF!!

Keep that *snorkewwww* combo handy for a sec, Siouxz.

We can use this hottie as the counter-experiment:

http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20110218/BREAKING/110219714/2416/NEWS?Title=Prostitution-sting-nets-70-year-old-woman&tc=ar

We'll have to check back in 33 years and compare the results.

Just ewwww, pad. Just ewww.

Aside frum the fact that the English don't know the meaning of useful or important words in the English language (Centurion ... worng, Worng, WORNG!!!), I could discuss the idea that if I'd've managed to remain a virgin for the last *mumble-rumble* years ... it would've SEEMED like 103 ... merely sayin' ...

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