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February 28, 2011


The Rules: Preschool Edition

(We are certain this column was suggested by someone, but have no clue who it was. We will figure out someone to fire.)


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Is that the origin of the snorks?

I'm pretty sure it is mandatory to have the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile show up at least once at a birthday party for boys between the ages of 4 and 13. Hopefully, this crucial developmental step will be followed.

I'm guessing nursecindy requested this one. She has excellent taste in columns.

Anyone else experience the "Pinata That Wouldn't Die?"

These etiquette tips would also apply to Congress and most state legislatures. Thanks Judi and Dave.

Good grief, Dave. Apparently you have been at some of my childrens' birthday parties. etc.

Living in an upper middle class neighborhood, the entire deal was obligatory. Everything from the mandatory cake etc to the loot bags that accompanied each child leaving the house after the party.

(I especially liked the clown in attendance, since he/she scared the daylights out of half the kids attending). But then again,I am known to have a bit of a sick sense of humour.

I can see why you won the Pulitzer. Perception, and creating humour out of it, is everything...

Thank you Annie. May I request a favor from every one??? We are experiencing extremely severe weather right now so please keep your fingers crossed for us. So far they've spotted 3 funnel clouds and it is as dark as midnight here at my house. Any prayers appreciated as I am terrified of tornado's and severe thunderstorms.
On the positive side I may end up in Florida if this keeps up! Maybe I'll see Dave.

You still with us, nursecindy?

I see a tornado report at 4:55pm for STATESVILLE, NC: "TORNADO REPORTED SOUTH OF I-40 EXIT 148 NO DAMAGE AS YET". No idea how close that is to you, but hopefully not too close.


Having been thru a couple, tornadoes are absolutely terrifying. I wish you and yours the very best.

And there a lot more practical ways of getting to visit Dave.

I am close to I-85. Statesville is not that far away. It is unbelievably bad here.

I'll get you, my pretty! And your rotten little dog, too!

My little one turns three on March 10. I can't tell you how excited I am to have a bunch of pre-schoolers hopped up on sugar and missing their naps running around my house for a few hours.

How ironic that nc lives near "Mocksville".

NC -- I see a tornado warning out for Atlanta, but only severe thunderstorm in what I presume is your area.

Several years ago, I was going to lunch with a bunch of lawyers when the subject of kids' birthday parties came up. One of the lawyers mentioned taking his young son to one such birthday party a few weeks earlier. The Licensed Character theme was Kim Possible, and, yes, there was indeed a young, attractive, fresh-faced and shapely college-age girl dressed up in what was the standard Kim Possible outfit at the time, which includes a dark, form-fitting top, cargo pants, and a sizable expanse of bare midriff. (A quick check of the Disney website indicates that the bare midriff may have gone away. For your own innocence, don't use Google Images.)

Anyway, the lawyer/dad said he found himself looking at "Kim" far more often than was probably appropriate, particularly at a child's birthday party and given his own age and marital status, not to mention the fact that this young woman was dressed as a children's cartoon character. He then looked around the party and saw with amusement that every other adult male there was similarly focused on "Kim", some struggling more than others to look away. No word as to how Kim was enjoying the attention.

We've had 2 tornadoes in my area, bonmot. Mocksville is in the upper central part of N.C. I live on the N.C./S.C. border. Cleveland County to be exact. So, Mocksville is a fair distance from me.

Thanks, Fritzworth. I think I've just found the theme for my little one's party.

Good luck, nc.

Hunker down.

*tosses all nursecindy's lawn furniture into the pool*

nc, hope you're (not your) out of the hallway by now. My memory of toddler birthday parties brought up tornados, too, although in a somewhat different context.

My niece reported her child was sent home from such a party with a goldfish in a plastic baggie full of water. That mommy would definitely be on my sh!t list.

Cindy, the news said the tornado warning will continue until 8:00, so just keep hanging in there for a couple more minutes, and you'll be all right. Trust the Carolinas to get both tornadoes and hurricanes.

I'm worried about Cindy. She hasn't posted anything in over an hour.

Finally have electicity again! Thanks to everyone for their good thoughts and wishes. It was horrible here for a while. It's terrible to have no power, no tv, tornadoes, thunder and lightening outside, and 130 lb. labrador trying to climb on your lap because they are also scared. Fortunately we are all fine. Thanks again, everyone.

To show solidarity with nursecindy's plight, I just spent 2 hours at the dentist and now I'm on hold with my phone "service" company (rhymes with Slime Yarner). After navigating the intricate polypy bowels of their phone system, I finally got a live guy who spoke English. He explained that he would have to call me back, since their computer system had just crashed. I asked him if his computer system was serviced by Slime Yarner. He said, "No, we have a GREAT system!" Sigh.

snork @ "intricate polypy bowels"

Yay, nursecindy's electrified again.

Dave - the Oscars need you. And Steve Martin. And hurry.

Key quote - "the Oscar's star-filled audience jumped to its feet for Crystal, as if it hadn't seen a real host in 127 hours."

Annie, did "Slime Yarner's" computer system come back up? I used to have them. Now I have "Mel North" iykwim. They are a subsidiary of AT and another letter.

Of course not....methinks he was telling a fib. They are known for their slimy yarns.

So Annie let her fingers do the walking?

We're on my wife's farm in Kentucky right now. We had bad storms Monday morning with tornadoes scattered around, so we're with you Cindy.
For a few minutes we were worried about Stewie, our small back-up dog because it was sooo windy and he haaad to go out.
I found our bird feeder late in the afternoon but I don't know if there were birds on it when it took off (Wheeeee!).
I forwarded the column to my daughter who has my 4 yo grandson. I'm afraid she regards clowns as more appropriate party hosts than I am. I tend to get distracted by venomous animals that are harmless to me. The kids' parents then ask why, exactly, that old man picked up that spider in front of all those kids?

After Hurricane Ike, I went nine days without 'lectricity.

Nothing against agriculturists, but livin' like a farmer sucks.

bon - any farmer worth his salt has back-up generators and lots of fuel to run them. So what you experienced was worse than farming. Unless you count getting up at 4am to milk cows in sub-freezing weather.

No, but after I week, I did have to get up at the Budt-Crack of dawn and go slop the generator we scored.

Generator theft was rampant right after the storm. Some crafty thief brought a lawnmower into someone's yard, started it up and left it running there to mimic the noise of the generator they were stealing, which of course would have to be disconnected and shut off. Silence would've been a dead giveaway.

Had the perps been caught in the act, the homeowner could've shot them dead and the DA would never have prosecuted.

Glad you're OK, nc. I guess I better check on my parents; they're only 40 miles or so west of Statesville...

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