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December 22, 2010

YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CL...WHOA

Santawhat 
Feliz Naviwhat?

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

UPDATE: Speaking of malls...

(Requested by nursecindy)

Comments

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Good thing he only comes once a year!

Did you know St Nick's from Nantucket?
His **** was so long he could . . .


better not finish that one.

Good idea, bonmot. Thanks for posting that column, Judi. It is one of my favorite holiday columns by Dave. Have a nice day every one.

That's not coal.

Good one, cindy. The only problem is that we only have one mall in Brooklyn and it is pretty much worthless. It does have M@cys and Se@rs but no food court, no bookstore, no nothing worthwhile.

That's why you need to go elsewhere to shop for gifts - or pretty much anything else.

M@cy's and Se@rs? What else do you need, Jeff? I could happily spend the entire day in M@cy's.

The Marshall Fields on State Street, err, M@cy's on State Street, was such a zoo yesterday that they still haven't found the living nativity that was part of the decorations in the Walnut Room.

The Macy's here in NoVa is open 24 hours a day until 6PM Christmas Eve.

King's Plaza? Hellooooo! I'm with you, nc. M@cy's rocks. But I did most of my shopping online. I only go to the mall to watch the frenzied shoppers fret and fuss. Neener.

I thought I understood Spanish, but I can't for the life of me, understand this. Who is the bearded dude, and what is going on?

♫ On the turd day of Christmas .... ♪

As a guy of the male persuasion, I don't think Se@rs is such a bad place. They've got an adequate hardware section.

But if retailers REALLY wanted to create a man-friendly mall, they would put in there: Cabela's, Pep Boys, Home Depot, Borders, Victoria's Secret and a bar.

O Cum, All ye Faithful . . .

If we didn't have a Red Robin (with giant beers) in the Glendale Galleria, you'd never see me at the mall.

Chris, how about a hardware store with a bar where you are served by Victoria's Secret models? Would that get you to the mall?

You're right, Dave. I DO want a new set of tires!

Tele! Merry, merry! LOVE the Glendale Galleria! At the moment, though, it's several oceans freeways away.

I hope this isn't Dave. Annie, I'm glad to see you on the blog. I was afraid you had been washed away to Canada.

We're fine, nc. I use the levity on this blog as a flotation device.

deck the halls with piles of feces...

NC - Yes. Yes it would.

As would a giant pants-less Santa.

Mmmmmm. Right next to the food court. This is the same place they make those little statuettes of the Pope and other luminaries crapping.

Learn somethin new every day: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caganer

Er, sorry I asked.

Moon over M@cy's?

Merry, merry, rightbackatcha, Annie !! Saw a little sunshine earlier, reflecting off the hills across the way, but the sun has been shy lately. Hard to believe that here in Su.So.Cal, we haven't seen the sun since last Thursday ! Contrary to the talking heads, there have been some evacuations up the hill from us, but our whole town is not in danger of disappearing anytime soon.

For stores to be really man friendly they should have a seating area with comfortable chairs and gun, car, and girly magazines, and a big screen TV. Women could shop at their leisure without husbands constantly looking at their watches and nagging them to hurry up.

I wanna go to NCindy's hardware store. I need a .

....a guide for html links?

(psst...Mot, they have that here. Where u been?)

That stuff I said yesterday about not understanding the stuff associated with Advent? Forget it. After this post, I feel like I have retroactive comprehension of the stuff that came before.
I thought it might just be a joke until the part in the video where people are just sitting around ignoring this gigantic full moon RIGHT IN THE MALL.

OT/

I just checked in for my flight to London (which leaves tomorrow)!

Off to Blighty! Football! Chestnuts! Fish and Chips! Beer! More Beer! More Football!

/OT

*waves*
Have a pint on me!!!

Thanks, Mot, for not putting a bar with your guns - I can imagine having to hide reciepts til later - much later ! :-) (secret snicker) Also, there should be a purse repository, so the guys at least are ostensibly doing SOMETHING worthwhile, besides sitting, scratching and watching TV.

Annie - it want a link, but I used angle brackets. I should have used "- Insert double-entendre hardware reference here -"

want wasn't

I give up.

psst...ask your border collie for help.

The dog in the room with me now is giving me the cold shoulder because I won't throw her toy for the 1000th time.

Annie, I think the border collies are busy cooking pogo's supper right now.

Today's Mother Goose & Grimm is topical with this blogpost. And if you click on 'previous cartoon', it has a very bad/good doggy Xmas pun.

Mot the Hoople and others: wanna invest in my idea? It'll be called the "guy-pod," and 90% of the capital will be spent beating off lawsuits by Apple. It will be an enclosed pod with a recliner and a large screen computer. You can either watch Web TV or visit other -er- scholarly sites.

We will no doubt see cases of husbands being abandoned there like litters of kittens.

T...Steve Lately. Can we have one of these in the guyPod?

"Guypod"....sounds like a high-falutin' word for doghouse.

And that's bad?

Just goes to show, you cannot have too many restrooms in a mall.

LOLLER (again) @ Dave's insights ... and Many tnx to BSJ for posting/linking it ...

As to "germane commentary" ... today's Frazz has a perty decent outlook on sum of the inanity connected to Dave's observations ... (fergot how to link, sorry) ...

I'm of the school of thot that would suggest them candy canes in the foto of Santa-on-the-crapper (or whutever it is) should be large enuf for use as lethal weaponry ... merely sayin' ...

Product Placement note: When you google Maremagnum, the first two paid ads at the top of the page are for products relating to Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Waves at Betsy!!! Long time no see! It's nice to see you on the blog.

All we need is beer and tvs with ball games on them. Doesn't even matter sport it is, if the only option is shopping. One mall I go to has a sports bar and it is packed all the time from noon on.

Believe me, Kings Plaza sucks as a mall. They even charge you for parking. Nothing against Macy's or Sears at all. I'm just saying that compared to "real" malls in other parts of the country this is an embarrassment for a place with 2,500,000 people.

Telecom - another reason Kings Plaza sucks. They had a Red Robin but it closed years ago. There are no restaurants (unless you consider fast food places "restaurants")... OK, no "sit-down and be served by a waitperson" restaurants.

The bookstore closed. The record store closed.

Wishes Jeff: have a nice day ..?

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love ex sent to me
Twelve drummers dumping,
Eleven pipers pooping,
Ten lords a-leaving (something behind),
Nine ladies douching,
Eight maids unloading,
Seven swans a-straining,
Six geese a-laying (not eggs),
Five dro-op-pings,
Four fouling birds,
Three soiled Depends,
Two turdal loaves,
And a toilet roll that's now empty!

(I know - it's wretched, and it's got to go.)

Bravo Meanie, this gets me into the Christmas spirit by reminding me where all the expensive food ends up.

Thanks. I've been sick, MOTW, so maybe a little more cranky that usual.

*snork* @ turdal loaves.

So this is how Paul Bunyan spends the hollar days?

Its not often that the holiday statue creates a bigger mess than the reindeer pen.

After reading the legal "you can read this but not link to it" warning at the bottom of the link Cindy requested, I'm afraid Dave might be in some kind of legal trouble for linking his own column. But I'll let the legal professionals sort that out. I'm on my way to consume some holiday cheer because it is, after all, Thursday.

*slaps a thermometer in Jeff and hands him a couple of Tylenol*

Elon, the language is probably Catalan, not Spanish. It's the original language of Barcelona.

I'm dreaming ..of a brown Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know.
Where the treetops glisten
'cause the TP's missin'
After we ate that brownish snow....

Watch out where the huskies go.

Poop on the spammer.

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