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December 20, 2010

ATTENTION: GUYS

It's almost time to start your Christmas shopping.

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Almost. I still got three days.

OMG. Is it the 24th already?

So the Wise Men showed up at the manger, handed their baby gifts to Mary, and headed for the eggnog.

Excellent. And *snork* at Big Stu's House of Myrrh

Our greatest gift to men is that we let you live.

Usually.

A few small helpful hints to the blog guys. If you are shopping for your wife or sweetheart and there are gas pumps outside the store you are in, you are in the wrong place for a thoughtful gift. If you decide to buy her lingerie and just looking at it makes you hot all over, put it back. If it is something that has to be plugged in or recharged and has the words Craftsman, Skil, Black and Decker, or appliance anywhere on the box put it back. Anything other than those things should be fine. I hope this helps.

nc is right. I would suggest jewelry instead.

Altho it's hard to tell, that's a necklace that I just posted. There's a better view of it here.

NCindy - you left a few things out - those that begin with Hoover, Maytag, and Kitchen-Aid don't seem to work well either.

That's a nice looking guy under that necklace, Annie. Pogo, Maytag, Hoover, and Kitchen-Aid work fine if you promise you will use them for her. In other words be prepared to do the laundry, vacuuming, and cooking.

Dave wrote that column in 2004. In the past 6 years, we've gotten this totally awesome thing called Amazon.com, and their even more awesomer feature: the wishlist. Pick a few things off of her wishlist and be a hero on Christmas morning.

I tried the "jewelry" angle, Annie ... and besides that, I got her a Stuffed Moose Head ... ISIANMTU!

And she complained ... even tho the bling-type stuff cost about 800 times as much as the moose head ...

So ... to help Dave (and other guy-type-gender persons) ... NOTHING is foolproof, when selecting "special" gifts ... um ... no, I don't mean "get her 'nothing' ... " I mean no matter WHUT y'all get ... there's an excellent chance y'all will be WORNG, WORNG, WORNG!!!

OtU, it's not that hard! Just listen to her and you will hear her say at least a dozen things she would like to have. How hard is it to listen? You're not listening to me now are you?

Actually, if you smelled Baby Jesus's diapers, you'd realize that myrrh and frankincense were appropriate and necessary gifts.

CASH - Quick, easy, no thought, no prep, no emotional investment in wavering indecision and doubt, no translation of the indecipherable nuance. Nothing says love like 20s, nothing says fear like 100s.

I thought the opening words to that carol were "Shoo-bee shoobie doobie doo".

Couldn't help noticing on Annie's link, there is a tab to the right that asks, "considering this as a gift?" So many jokes, so little time.

By the way, I emailed my husband a link with two sentences above it. "This is what your son wants. Scroll half-way down the page and you can get all three of them as a package." He called me an hour later and said proudly, "I got him the book he wanted!" Two sentences was obviously one too many to keep his interest. *sigh*

I knew OtU wasn't listening. Girlogic, next time tell him "buy this" and point to the thing you want him to get. Or just tell him you bought it and he needs to pay you back. Here are some other jewelry ideas that are guaranteed to make your wife/sweetheart happy. Do not attempt to replicate them with cz's. Personally I would make a man very happy if he bought me the blue diamond ring. Actually anything on that page would make me and him very happy.

Blog guys, listen to nc. Small boxes are what we want.

Wrapped in Annie's link.

Here's the danger of what the guys are faced with: if I go to nursecindy's list and say, man the only thing I can afford is that diamond thing that goes for $180,000, then you are going to know that I bought the CHEAPEST thing on your list and I'm still toast.

I'm thinking of something like this, cindy.

Big enough?

NC
Can I go shopping for my honey at Night Dreams? They have this power tool that takes D cells...

wiredog, if she's really your honey she won't need anything with batteries, iykwim. Jeff, it wouldn't be too big if the diamonds are real. Wingnut, you could buy the $180,000 item. Just tell your wife it reminded you of her. Delicate, sweet, and priceless. Sometimes it's what you say when you give the gift to her. Saying, "I got you something. Here." will not make her happy. And for heavens sake wrap it in nice paper or get someone else to wrap it! No woman likes to get a gift in a Walmart bag.

...or a McDonald's wrapper.

Not that anyone I know would use one, but ...just a thought.

I'll have whatever nursecindy is having.

'Cause it's hallucinogenic?

Men.

I always say, "Nothing says love like cold, hard, cash."
My wife has a a different opinion.
I always ask for gift cards for birthdays and Christmas simply because if I need something I have it. Cards are very simple to re-gift and no one is offended. But my wife's family says, "Oh, we can't get you what you want! It's not personal enough! We'll get you this hideous shirt you won't wear and you can't re-gift to your worst enemy because it will offend him!"
What's wrong with people?

Hey Steve, I can top that. One year my mother sent me a pair of my father's old pants because he'd lost weight and they were too big for them. The fact that I'm several inches taller and they'd have looked like this doesn't seem to have sunk in, even though I told her not to send them.

A little girl comes home from school and says "Mommy! Mommy! I learned where babies come from!"

Mom thinks, "This oughta be good." "Where, dear?"

"Well, the mommy puts her mouth on daddy's thingy, and some stuff comes out and goes in her tummy where it grows. And that where babies come from."

Her mom looked at her and said, "No, dear. That's where jewelry comes from."

Jeff, I would have guessed I would see Erkel on that link.
When I was a teenager, very tight "pegged" jeans were the in thing. My father, disapproving, as he had to, made me wear a pair of his old-man's pants to a social event. I could have put both legs in one side of those pants and I had to use both belt and rope to hold them up.
All my friends, girls included, were going to be there.
My parents went in before I did. I couldn't stand it and wound up standing outside in the snow for three hours rather than go in.
To give him credit, my father apologized and never made me wear his clothes again.

How 'bout I wrassle that planet with the mountains of diamonds the blog was talkin' 'bout a while back down to earth and give it to her?

Would THAT work?

Oh wait, it would need a setting, wouldn't it?

*sigh* Just can't win......

Whut?

Did sumbuddy say sumthin' ... ?

(Hey! I got her RUBIES! OK ... NOT the one on that wishlist page ... but they wuzn't cheap ... )

Just remember that. unless she's drinking heavily when she opens the gifts, you have to top it next year.

Fortunately, Steve, for sum of us with unmatchable talents, this is not difficult ...

(Now ... where's that catalog with the stuffed Holstein head ... )

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