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June 23, 2010

WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER PLUNGER

Python found blocking man's toilet

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

PERUVIAN POLITICS UPDATE

But in the past few days, some supporters have taken off their underpants and tossed them to him during rallies...

(Thanks to nursecindy)

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL WAS INVOLVED

Limping man surprised to discover gunshot wound

(Thanks to nursecindy)

HOW HUMANITY PROGRESSES

On Sunday evening, the 34-year-old men were sharing a few beers when they thought it would be interesting to shoot each other with an air rifle to see if it would hurt, or if the slugs would penetrate their skin.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb, W. von Papineau, Baron vonKlyff and catmanmax)

OR, IN POLICE SHORTHAND, A 10-2038

Two car chases, a totaled police cruiser and an extended foot pursuit of a naked woman through sagebrush finally ended with a Taser being used to subdue her.

(Thanks to Michael Frixen)

PSSST, DUDE

Wanna do some embalming fluid?

(Thanks to Rich Klinzman)

June 22, 2010

IF THERE IS ONE THING THIS BLOG BELIEVES IN

...it's a healthy lifestyle.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

THIS JUST IN

Good news for the Nationals.

(Thanks to N1LUL)

SIGN A WHAT?

Burck says if Kane's going to make money by posing for photos, he wants her to sign a "Naked Cowboy Franchise Agreement."

(Thanks to The Perts)

WOMEN BEHAVING BADLY

This Blog Is Not Surprised: A representative of the boat's operating company said the fight was "something about a shoe"

(Thanks to Dan)


CREEPING FASCISM

Sometimes it's understandable.

(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)

BECAUSE WE, AS A NATION, ARE NOT FAT ENOUGH

Thanks, Friendly's!

(Thanks to Justin Barber and Jeff Meyerson)

PLEASE TELL US THIS IS A JOKE

Please.

(Thanks to Iowacookiemom)

WELL WHAT CHOICE DID HE HAVE?

A man has changed his name to Bagheera Anthony Dairy Lea Dunkable after being dared by a friend.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AVAST

A pirate shed.

The shed, which Reg called the Lady Sarah Out of Worthing after his wife, is now contender in the Shed of the Year 2010 competition.


(Thanks to cato'ninetailsmanmax)

WE GOT YER WORLD CUP UPDATE

Right here.

June 21, 2010

ADVISORY:

Don't blow that vuvuzela too hard.

(Thanks to Jeff)

WORLD CUP UPDATE

Har.

(Thanks to Craig)

FORGET TO GIVE DAD A GIFT YESTERDAY?

It's not too late.

(Thanks to Otis)

ALSO: HOOTING, HOLLERING

Sullivan’s Island considering a ban on singing, whistling

(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)


THINGS WE WISH WE HAD NEVER HEARD OF

Bridal diapers.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

FORTUNATELY, WE ARE ABOVE MAKING ANY TASTELESS REMARKS INVOLVING BASES

Lady Gaga talks her way into the Yankees' clubhouse.

Ny_g_gagatsin_200

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Jeff Meyerson)

SUDDENLY, GUYS ARE DEVELOPING A TASTE FOR MANILOW

Women 'more likely to give men numbers if they have been listening to love songs'

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

NOT WEIRD AT ALL!

An English woman has collected 32,000 used tea bags.

Key Quote: "They do smell a bit but I find it quite comforting."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THE HARD PART IS MOUNTING THE HEADS ON YOUR WALL

HUNTING tarantulas and then eating them has become the latest extreme tourist experience in Cambodia.

(Thanks to Ralph)

June 20, 2010

WE'RE GOING TO NEED MORE CRACKERS

Police Seize 70,000 Cheese Balls In Turin

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Mot the Hoople)

YOUR NEW ZEALAND NAKED SPORTS UPDATE

Highlights of the match include a nude haka, which the "Welsh" team responded to with some attempted Morris dancing, before brandishing and tossing leeks at the Nude Blacks.

Key Byline:
"Finbarr Bunting"

(Thanks to Bill Moore)

THERE'S A TWO-MONTH WAIT FOR THE BATHROOM

An Indian family with 162 members could be one of the largest living together under one roof, according to a report Saturday in The Times of India.

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

BASEBALL UPDATE

The Pirates have fired a pierogi.

(Thanks to Ralph)


OUR GUESS IS THAT EVEN THE SLIGHTLY-BELOW-AVERAGE PERSON FEELS THIS WAY

To the average person, holding a child over the jaws of a hungry crocodile does not seem like a smart idea.

Key Scientific Explanation: Legend has it a saint left his lice there 700 years ago, and they grew into crocodiles that make miracles come true.

(Thanks to jon harris)

June 19, 2010

BECAUSE OF OUR STRICT ETC.

We cannot etc.

(Thanks to Chris Wiley)

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL WAS INVOLVED

A man called 911 for help after he jumped on a trailer and held onto a ladder while the semi traveled for almost 17 miles on a U.S. route without stopping or slowing.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

PARISIAN DINING UPDATE

Yum.

(Thanks to CoastRaven)

AND WHILE WE'RE OUTLAWING THINGS, LET'S NOT FORGET THESE

Bethlehem man allegedly hits woman with potato chips due to dirty look

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner)

WE HAVE GOT TO OUTLAW THOSE THINGS

Man attempts to hold up gas station with caulk gun

(Thanks to Gregg Geil, Martini Shark and Jeff Meyerson)

June 18, 2010

WORLD CUP UPDATE

Because of our strict policy, we are unable to bring you this World Cup update.

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

Related item here.



SPEAKING OF FUN COUPLES

A groom arrested after being accused of getting drunk, losing his money and choking his bride was acquitted in a Windsor court yesterday. On Sept. 9, 2008, the a woman marched into a police station in her wedding gown, to complain about the man she had been married to for only hours.


(Thanks to Onterrible)

UH-OH

At 8:30 Wednesday night, a 53-year-old man sat in a chair, drinking the last beer in the house.

His girlfriend wanted it.

(Thanks to queensbee)

MEN: YOU KNOW WHAT IS NOT GOOD IDEA?

Having your buddies give you a bikini wax in a pub.

(Thanks to John Regan)

WE ALWAYS CARRY SPARES WHEN WE TRAVEL

Police: Man had 8 foxes, 50 chameleons in suitcase

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and Jeff Meyerson)

ON HIS WAY TO FLORIDA, NO DOUBT

Snowmobiling while intoxicated arrest in June

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

ROMANCE

It's in the air.

(Thanks to Andrew Hoenig)

WAIT A MINUTE...

Can this be mere coincidence?

HALFTIME UPDATE

At least the mimosas are good.

Final Update:
The referee apparently had more mimosas than I did.

USA-SLOVENIA: THE BIG GAME

Like most American sports fans, I grew up hating Slovenia, our bitter arch-rival soccer foe in Eastern Europe or Western Europe or possibly Asia. That is why this morning I will depart from my usual weekday routine of sitting around the house to go sit around in a bar and watch the crucial USA-Slovenia match.

The USA is favored, but the Slovenians could be trouble. I know this because I did some research in the form of skimming the Wikipedia article on Slovenia, where I found this alarming statement:

With the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Empire in October 1918, the Slovenes formed the State of Slovenes, Croats and Serbs, which soon merged with Serbia and Montenegro into the Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes. The western parts of the Slovene Lands (the Slovenian Littoral and western districts of Inner Carniola) were occupied by the Italian Army, and officially annexed to the Kingdom of Italy with the Treaty of Rapallo in 1920.

What does this tell us? It tells us that life is way too short for us to do any more research about the Slovenians. The important thing is that we hate them, which is why this morning I will be rooting for our boys and also perhaps enjoying a refreshing beverage with my friends Ken and David, both of whom are soccer fanatics. Ken informs me that he will be wearing his backup lucky jersey, because his main lucky jersey produced only a tie against England. I will be wearing a USA jersey. We may get a little rowdy. If we see any Slovenians, we may have to kick their butts. Why do I take such a hostile tone? Because I am confident that there won't be any Slovenians. That is the kind of hardcore fan I am.

YOU CAN'T TAKE CHANCES WITH THIS KIND OF THREAT

Police raid bar after US woman mistaken for Justin Bieber

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE NIGHTMARE IS OVER

Ottawa police arrest suspect after string of toilet flushing parts thefts

(Thanks to The Perts)

SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

The Telepresence Robot QB, developed by U.S. robotics manufacturer Anybots Inc., can go to work or attend business meetings in place of a busy executive.

(Thanks to Alberto)

June 17, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...

...to yooooooooooooooooooooooooou....

(Thanks to mikllem)

 
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