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May 24, 2010

Here is where we stand:

Jack, having for various solid reasons killed or wounded two-thirds of the population of Manhattan, is now hunting Russian President Suvarov and also leaking about a quart of blood every 15 minutes. Jack is in turn being pursued by CTU under the command of Pillar, the henchperson of ex-President Dirtbag, who was captured by Jack last week and revealed, under interrogation, that he had pooped his drawers. Meanwhile the FBI took the Secret Video away from Meredith and has been ordered to give it to President Woman President, who is suffering from pangs of either conscience or intestinal flu; there is no way to tell which.

Chloe and Cole are also trying to find Jack. Edgar is still dead.

Tonight's two-hour special is the final episode, ending eight years of Jack Bauer's courageous efforts to find some way, against impossible odds, not to laugh out loud at the plot. It is a journey we have all taken together; a journey that has given us much to think about. We can honestly say that it has been an unmitigated pleasure, except when it sucked. Thanks to all of you for participating on this blog. And thanks especially to The Amazing Steve for his wonderful summaries. We don't know why you do it, T.A.S., but we strongly suspect drugs are very grateful.

And now it's time for our final scientific poll:

What was your favorite moment in all the eight seasons?
Terrorist frogpersons capturing the White House.
Jack getting addicted to heroin.
Chloe tasering the drunk in the bar.
The time that the perimeter actually succeeded in capturing a... No, wait, that never happened.
The Victoria's Secret Dream Angel Push-up Brassiere commercial.
Chloe shooting the machine gun.
The discovery that it is not necessary to refrigerate ketchup or mustard.
That time Jack shouted "DAMMIT!"
The ceremony observing the hiring of the 10,000th CTU mole.
The terrorist missile that flew from Iowa to Los Angeles at 14 miles per hour.
Renee cutting off that guy's thumb.
Renee emerging from the Potomac.
All the times Jack obtained voluntary confessions through the use of power tools.
Some other moment, which I will nominate in the comments (the blog comments, not the poll comments).
This is off-topic, but: It felt as though the last episode of "Lost" ran about 17 hours too long.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: Jack said he's eternally grateful. So maybe he's DEAD.

UPDATE: When two guys are aiming guns at each other and engaging in dialog, I always think, "If I were one of those guys, I would pull the trigger, before the other guy does." Does that make me a bad person? Never mind.

UPDATE: Nice product placement of the rearview-camera feature.

UPDATE: But we WANT to see Jack take Pillar apart piece by piece.

UPDATE: Jack has the power of Backseat Invisibility.

UPDATE: Jack Bauer does not need blood.

UPDATE: Or anesthetic.

UPDATE: "I am judge and jury. Now STEP BACK."

UPDATE: Here's the thing: Middle East peace treaties NEVER work anyway.

UPDATE: Whoa! President Woman President is insane! This is good!

UPDATE: Jack has one of those instant-on PCs that don't actually exist.

UPDATE: Somehow, Jack got inside the perimeter.

UPDATE: Nice to see Chloe with a gun again.

UPDATE: Jack choking Chloe! Hot.

UPDATE: Jack has a very large gun.

UPDATE: One hour down. Not a whole lot happened.

UPDATE: "The pipple of Russia."

UPDATE: So far today Jack has been stabbed twice and (I think) shot twice. At this rate he is eventually going to need medical attention.


UPDATE: I miss the rods.

UPDATE: Well, THIS is a neat and tidy ending.

UPDATE: Aw. Jack and Chloe.

UPDATE: So in conclusion: The Peace Process was NOT a big deal after all! So this season was about... what? Never mind. We had our little fun, didn't we? Take it away one last time, The Amazing Steve.


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Gennita, excellent point. He only has to change it every 2 seasons or 3,000 miles...

Oh thank heavens, we are back onto the peace process.

I think the seahorse is supposed to be "yellow". NTTAWWT.

It's his hairpiece!

She gave her his ashes?

She's giving Madame Woman President a bomb.

SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the series "24," Jack Bauer will follow a shadowy informant into a church, where he finds his wife, Bill Buchanan, President Palmer, Edgar!, Renee, Lynn McGill, Michelle, and even Marwan . . . . and they all move on together, little realizing that one of their number is a mole.

So...just how "peaceful" will the peace process be when Dahlia finds out Suvarov had her husband killed and Madame President lied to her about it?

a pen? really?

The song is: What a difference a day makes,
24 little hours....

Way to guilt MWP.

Is that one of those exploding pens from the James Bond movies?

Oh, about his Wanna Be A Memory ...

Could there be another mole within Turdistan????

The President does not realize she has just been recruited as a Mary Kay rep now.

Too many blondes on this show.


Kill this subplot. Let's get back to Jack and Jason.

Uh oh! Mobile CTU! Mobile ineptitude!

I always put up a big street sign when I set up a secret security headquarters

*Snork* @ tropichairpieceguy!


Yes, spinal fluid change is all Jack needs!

I finished my first drink. Am I in some sort of violation ? Shouldn't someone be shot already ?

Just put it on YouTube sillies!

Set up a protocol!

Those are some servers at CTU!

Jeez, again, as Gennita said, YOUTUBE! Why make this complicated!?!

So CTU is using eMail Blast to get info out after the pulse bomb.

The CTU revolving door policy. It's better than reincarnation.

Wait a minute. Six or seven episodes ago CTU's servers were fried by an EMP and now they're going to "spread the truth" to the world?

Can we drink if Jack is sneaking inside a perimeter?

In the world of 24, there is no Youtube.

jtd7: excellent spoiler! (Snark!)

Cole and Chloe, taking action together!

Why is it every time two people talk at CTU, they get interrupted?

Is it a "rule" in the 24 writer's bible?

Terminator music is back....

Geee, that wasn't suspicious at all, Pillar!

Their cells don't drop calls but there is no Youtube.

OK jack, we're here. You don't need him anymore.


Chloe is going to spam the government?!?!?!?!?

He double parked! SHOOT HIM!

"And turn up the A/C, I'm schfitzing back here!"

More of what we're looking for.

Jason Pillar is leaking! Blood, that is.

Bauer shot him in the thigh?

Jack is sewing up his own wound?

So Jack was stabbed two other times today and THIS one's got him hurt?

Yes, that's my BadAss Jack! Make the enemy sew him up at gunpoint!

Jason's auditioning for his next role:

Motel the Tailor

Surgeon Pillar!

Better hope that Jack doesn't have a pain twitch in his trigger finger...

Jack is telling him to stick a sharp object into his Renee hole. There is a joke there.

Now that's an interesting way to get first aid.

Stitch one, cross nine...stitch one, cross nine....

Make it painless, Jason. My triggerfinger is twitchy.

Suture self, Jack...

Jack is Judge Judy, ass-clown!

Uh oh...he has Bauer's blood on his hands!

I see, Bauer is leaking, not Pillar. I guess it was poor editing or maybe i zzzz....


Pillar and Handbag both whimper alike, don't they?

Execute him, Jack!

Somebody just $hit their pants I think.

That'll leave a mark.

Don't believe him, Jack. He's totally gay.

Jack. You old softy, you!


You shouldn't bite the hand that sews you.

Jack seems to turn everyone into a whiny lil beeyotch the last few weeks...

Soft Jack. Handbag's Butt Buddy.

Where are Cassie, Siouxie, Nursecindy, and Diva tonight? :(

What's an "Orchard chicken salad sub" and where are the bra ads?

Sidewalk surgery. The new health care bill is implemented.

Was that an ad for a movie called "Iron-Man 2"? What is that? I have never heard of it. Why doesn't it get advertised more?

Release the Kraken, Jack!

OMG. If they run Victoria's Secret after that Porsche commercial I think I'll explode.

Jason: A Pillar of the surgery.

Hi everybody. I'm late. Whaddaya miss? Whaddaya miss?

You have missed nothing.

How many stitches did it take? About six? COME ON!

You know, Dalton barely flinched when someone stitched him without pain killers in "Road House".

Or was it Iron2Man, homey?

Porsche, Audi, Mercedes. Must think we're rich.

JackSack's getting larger...

Pillar: Oak!
Jack: No, cedar.
Pillar: Two-by-four?
Jack: Three-ply panel, you fool.
Pillar: What about birch?
Jack: There's no time, DAMMIT!
Pillar: Sawdust......

Jack's Sack (TM) now weighs 200 lbs.

So Jack is off again with his giant Jack Sack. He's going hunting.

Ever notice how the ads on 24 are geared to men's interests?

Cars (big and powerful ones in particular)
Victoria's Secret bras

*rushes in, out of breath*

I'm here! I'm here! Don't start without me!!

Aw, damn. Oh, well. I'm here anyway!! :)

*waves @ EVERYone*

he parked in a 10 minute loading zone?? The commies will win for sure

IS it me or does Madame Islamic President look like Maria Callas?

Wait...don't click that pen two times, Madame President Woman...or else it will expl.....ummm...yes, go ahead and click it.

Will MWP lie? That is the question.

Hi, Diva! Don't worry, you didn't miss too much...

Who Wants To Be An Investigative Head Of State?

Lot of smell-the-fart acting with Mdme. Prez. tonight.

Hi Diva. Don't worry, I don't think it started yet

No Marwan so far, Diva.

Hi, Diva!

Ok now President Woman President had to do some pretty fast talking and acting to cover her big butt.

And can I have my pen back?

"I want to enlist your help..."

Oh, brother.


Liar liar pants on fire!

MWM you lyin' sack.

Papa Keaton would have never let President Woman President go this far astray!

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