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April 19, 2010

24

Here is where we stand:

Last week Jack and Renee finally had sex, and it was a truly romantic and beautiful thing, except for the sniper. A lesson that we all, as Americans, should take away from this tragic episode is: close the blinds.

So now Renee has gone to that Big Wrap Party in the Sky, and Jack is really ticked off at the Russians. President Woman President is also unhappy with the Russians, because they're trying to sabotage the All Important Peace Procezzzzzz

Sorry! We tend to nod off whenever we think about the A.I.P.P. We wish everybody would just shut up about it so we can get on with the part where Jack works through his grief by shooting or stabbing or barehandedly removing the larynxes of as many Russians as humanly possible.

In other developments, Chloe is now in charge of CTU. We think this is great. We wish Chloe were in charge of the whole federal government and routinely tasered it in the butt.

Edgar is still dead.

Tragically, I will not be able to join you tonight, as I am on the road with the World Famous In Some Circles Rock Bottom Remainders, as we prepare for our big international tour of four U.S. cities. We'll be raising money for good causes, so if you can make it to one of the shows, please do. We promise that there will be great music, by which we mean alcohol.

Speaking of great, The Amazing Steve will be discussing the plot in the comments section following tonight's show. Meanwhile, here's a scientific poll.

Are you sad that Renee got sniped?
Yes, because Renee was hot AND psychotic.
No, because now Jack is motivated to engage in acts of mass carnage.
I was hoping that the sniper would be a really bad shot and hit Audrey.
The Yankees SUCK.
Montpelier.
  
pollcode.com free polls

Comments

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Back from Dayton, and ready to go! I'll post about an hour after the show is over.

Kitty Kelley's next new book: "CODE NAME ONION FRECKLES" The unauthorized biography of 24's Renee.
Where we learn (gasp) that Renee was a pyschopath, albeit a "mostly good" one.

I miss the rods.

You're just jealous (which I understand) of how great the Yankees really are.

Get over it.

;)

It's not the same without Dave! It would be nice if the RBR's could all live blog but I'm sure they are practicing very hard for their show.

You miss A-Rod?

I miss Marwan and President Allstate.

I'm wondering when CTU will realize there is a dead guy in the wall.

And Mrs. Handbag's ramparts.

Surely they must smell something, Kate.

Where is Aaron? I want Aaron!

Checking in. Present and no accounting for...

Hopefully they'll find the dead guy in the wall before Dana skips out with her pardon...

*begins drinking early*

We'll miss you, Mr. The Blog! Because, frankly, our aim isn't very good even before the 27th perimeter sip.

House figured it out. That means it's almost 24 time.

Homey,

Some rods for ya! :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27727244@N04/2747617166/

Perimter!

*drinks*

What? Too soon?

Is it just me or is Doctor House looking more and more like one of the Sheep on Meth?

You'd think so, Jeff, wouldn't you. I'm guessing the writers just forgot that little detail. :)

I'm afraid House has jumped the shark.

One of these nights
One of these crazy old nights
We’re gonna find out
Mr. Bauer
What turns on your lights
The full moon is calling
The fever is high
And the chick you love answers the phone

You got your demons
You got desires
But now Renee’s gone; you’re alone

Oo, sniper had to find you
In between the sheets with your gal
Oo, killed her right behind you
Now Jack’s gonna run through
Him and his pals!

Bitter tears gleam
Another lost and broken dream
Jack’s gonna find scum
Make them really scream

He’s now searching, set to slaughter
All the devils himself
He’ll be searching high and low, left and right
Cause they took away Jack’s woman, who’s a little bit touched
But she felt good although not wrapped too tight

Oo, lonely rage will blind you
In between the wrong and the right
Oo, Jack is gonna find you
Swear he’s gonna bind you
Set you alight

One of these nights...

Good one, Ducky.

OK - ready to go.

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
Did you lose your mind all at once, or was it a slow, gradual process?
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
I don't mean to be flippant or to enrage you or anything, but you're a psychotic man.
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
It's important to think. It's what separates us from lentils.
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
C'mon, Jack, what do you think the Crusades were? A Pope's publicity stunt?

*George Benson's "On Broadway" begins playing*

They said the nuke rods will "light up" Broadway
They said there's always something up their sleeve
But when Jack's lookin' down that street
And they ain't felt enough'the heat
The splatter sprays the wall and scares Potter.

They said CTU won't find you on Broadway
And laughin' at them just gives Jack the wrath,
'cause how does he catch an otter
When all he looks like is Potter
And not one CTU sees the mole's path?


They said that I won't get to blow up Broadway
I'll shoot Dark Freckles and make Jack come my way
But he'll die long before I do
'cause I'm a reality star
And I'll just bomb TV instead of Broadway!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BOWAH POWAH OWAH!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™'s gonna avenge FreckleSack™...if it's the last thing he does in this TV series...") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ has the POWAH! THE POWAH!!!!.")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This season's "24" intros are brought to you in memory of my dear friend Michael "Sparky" Bushaw, who passed away the day after this past Christmas. Sparky, my fraternity big brother, best man at my wedding and best friend for the last 20 years, was the one person with whom I watched "24" when it originally premiered on Fox. Always a fan of the show, I believe it fitting to dedicate this season in his memory. Rest in peace, brother...I miss you!

...And on next week's "House," House offends the entire state of Nebraska.

But now, it's finally time for "24," which this season has pissed off pretty much all of New York City...

Even more on where we lie ...

(House is thinking about radical treatment of an annoying lithp.)

Jack has sex. And a drink of water. Finally!

Sadly, Renee develops sudden PMS (Post Muzzle Syndrome) and comes down with that not-so-fresh feeling. Serious enough that even Jack, as a guy, can't ignore it.

He rushes her to the nearest hospital. Unfortunately, that's the You Stab 'Em We Slab 'Em facility.

Jack will now implode and expode simultaneously.

And here we zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

And probably Russia.

What would you call yourself if you were from Irk? Irked, Irkites, Irks. Makes no sense.

Where's Mrs. Handbag and Aaron?

So the Russian has no interest in the peace accord. This makes him different from anyone else how exactly?

The Irkers.

Beautiful, Andy!!!

*Waves howdy to everyone*

Checking in //waving.

Is Renee still dead?

Just putting this out there, in case it hasn't been said:

Mikhail Novakovich
Mike Novick

...related?

It's time for mayhem.

How come the guards on CTU are the only cops in the world that don't wear vests? They always get shot with body shots.

IRKestani?

Please for the love of G-d no medical scenes this week!

Jack's sperm will impregnate her anyway and she'll still give birth.

Still dead, Genn. :(

At least Renee died before she could tell us she is pregnant with Jacks kid.

Yeah, Jack works that fast.

"Are you the husband of the deceased?"

"No, but I shtupped her."

Is Jack going to be alright? Yes, but the bad guys sure won't be. Muahahahaha.

Of course Jack will be all right. Once he kills some people, anyway...

so Jack is just standing there drenched in blood and no one gives him a second glance.

You should be asking if everyone else will be alright...

Is Jack going to wear a hospital skirt?

I thought I heard it right! Jack is moving to "Scrubs"!

JACK ANGRY

Too late, Cindy!!!

I just don't think that Renee is really dead, imho.

Jacks going undercover, in "borrowed" intern clothes?

Perhaps they'll shut down CTU and bring in grief counselors.

"Tell me who did this."

"Dana"

Please say Dana, Chloe.

Goddammit Chloe!

Hi all!! READY!!

Chloe's already telling Jack no?

They're talking about the red square again. That's gonna be trouble for someone.

Ethan is probably out running a triathlon now. It's been almost 3 hours since his heart surgery.

Chloe is standing in the way of my rampage. Move it!

Chloe is trying to rein in Jack? Boy she thinks a lot of herself. Hasn't she learned anything in eight years?

Chloe knows whom to trust!

Oh no, not the freakin' Whirled Peas Process again...

Ethan has some recovery time.

I don't recover that quick from a headache.

There he is! He heals quickly.

Nursecindy,

I don't think so either. Renee will appear again!

Everyone is fine after having life threatening injuries in THIS show!

The WDG makes the worst postcoital smoke ever.

Something tells me the court officer is going to have his hands full soon, very soon.

Handbag is homosexual?

Don't ask, don't tell?!?!?!?

Hand bag is gay?!?!?!!?

At least Ethan has some brains.

Don't ask, don't tell....oh my god - Logan's GAY?????!!

So...Logan's gay?? NTTAWWT

You can't handle the truth!

Homosexual multiple. NTTAWWT!

great minds think alike in the gutter

More bad Russian accents.

Vere is Moose & Squirrel, Mikhail?

quadruple psychic simul. I think I need a cigarette!

Logan's dead.

Sioux, put on your apron. There's going to be a bloodbath.

Oh, yeah. Dead.

Logan found a pair on his sabbatical

President Handbag needs to tone it down or the snipers will hear him!

Diva, don't mention cigarette. I quit a few days ago and this is when I usually smoked the most.

Mitch, we can only hope.

cindy & Gennita: she's dead, deal with it.


BUHAHAH!!

Nixon, I mean,Handbag slaps the Russian with an
accusation!!

Told you he wants nukelar war.

Now he will make a deal....

once a weasal, always a weasal

Mitch, I always wear protective gear ;P

Let's make Handbag our Ambassador! He'll make a great Bromance with the Russian Head!

How much you want to bet Handbag's bluffing?

OK, if Madame President doesn't know any of this, how does Logan, who's allegedly been out of touch for so many years?

ooh, cindy - good job! OK. *zips lips*

Your cyanide/espwesso, Mr. Pwesident.

Wait, what just happened? I wasn;t paying attention.

Maybe the Russians will take out hand bag

Jack's wearing a blue shirt!!!

You'll see, Jeff. It's all part of the plot. Besides you just know she is going to be in the movie.

So he has 30 minutes?

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