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April 05, 2010

HE WON'T GET FAR ON FOOT

A 600-pound Florida man with a long record of scamming restaurants and convenience stores pleaded no contest this week to five charges that he sought refunds by making false claims, including one that a $50 order of beef jerky from a 7-Eleven was moldy.

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Key Quote: On his way to the police station for questioning, according to the police report, Jolicoeur told the officer, "The beef jerky got me."

(Thanks to Coconuts)

Comments

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"MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!!!"

Aaaaaarrrrggghhh.....*retch*

(I think it was the PORK that got him)

Isn't jerky like, impermeable? I swear I've read archaeologists have dug up prehistoric mastodon jerky. I think the mold story stinks.

A $50 order of beef jerkey from a 7-Eleven??

I rest my case

The jerky, the pork rinds, the Twinkies, the Slurpees, the Hot Pockets...

"The beef jerky got me."

That has to go down in history as one of the great criminal quotes, like "It's where the money was" and "Top of the world, Ma!"

Jeff: That has to go down in history as one of the great criminal quotes, like "It's where the money was" and "Top of the world, Ma!"

This is more like Marion Barry's "Bitch set me up".

"Jolicoeur" means "pretty heart" in French. I'm willing to bet his isn't.

Something's jerky. BTW, bet he can't even find his jerky.

The last jerky should be jerkee.

Edgar?

He'll do just fine on his feet, once he, um, finds them...

*SMACKS* dawg! you stole my line!!

Humpty Dumpty?

I posted "Edgar?" almost an hour ago and it disappeared. Has anybody else had that trouble? Maybe the missing posts are hiding on Facebook, or in the dryer, waiting for my socks.

All I know is, I'll be avoiding the blog for a couple of days until that, um, face(?) is out of sight.

*heebie jeebie*

*dusts off treadmill*

I, too, posted an invisible comment about an hour ago, ddd.
I just figured the blog had adopted humor standards.

How many Big Gulps does it take to wash down $50 worth of beef jerky? I'm just saying.

38 years old, 600 lbs, and on a respirator now probably due to heart failure. What the court should do is to threaten anyone who feeds this guy anymore than is nutritionally needed for life. If you feed him you go to jail. THEN he would lose this weight and perhaps find his own jerkee again. btw, thank you Siouxie for not pointing out to me he is possibly single. More man than I can handle.

ol' mr. two eyes. has the right one with trust, what more??? a telephone?

Dude looks like a thumb

Welcome, cindy. Of course, if you ARE interested...

*ducks incoming mouse*

Gee, you gotta wonder what went wrong in someone's life to end up like that.
If that wasn't a cry for help, I'm not sure what is.

I saw this guy only last week at the movies, but I can't tell if he is Tweedledee or Tweedledum.

Definitely tweedleDumb

ughughugh! too late for a diet. call a cardiologist.

For Siouxie. Besides I like men with darker hair. Or at least, hair.

For all of you getting your laffs at the expense of this man ... this is a case of addiction, no less than an alcoholic or a junkie. This is a person whose addiction is so powerful that he is breaking the law to get his fix. Compulsive overeating is a brain chemical affliction on par with heroin addiction. If you find that amusing ... I feel sorry for you.

Mr. Creosote?

thanks, fg, for setting us all straight...

*crosses fingers behind back*

**hangs head sheepishly, gets brains zapped out thru eyeballs**

We can't help it, funnie(?)grrl - we're addicted to humor.

cindy, that's more than enough man for several women. Of course, actually finding his junk might be a problem...

$50 for beef jerky from 7-Eleven? What's that, two small packages?
And to all those complaining about that picture, remember whose mug has been all too visible over April Fool's day.
I agree, this guy has a serious problem but I doubt he has much time left to work on it.

I agree with Punkin, funniegrrl. This man broke the law which, no matter your addiction, is wrong. If you frequent this blog then you should know that anyone, at anytime, can be subjected to our warped comments. In fact we often turn on each other!

funniegrrl,

Sorry you feel that way. I'm guessing that you find anorexic jokes funny. But seriously, a BIGGER problem may be this constant march leading us into a world regulated by the "politically correct." From a human race standpoint, my belief is that were are far worse off not poking fun at the Poles, the vertically challenged, society challenged, Asians, same sex admirers, "me" (insert Hedley Lamarr rant here)...

Well said OC Dolphin. btw, Hedley Lamar was one of my favorite characters in Blazing Saddles. That was a great movie in that it showed no mercy to anyone. They would never be able to make that movie today. And thank you for not including redheads with freckles in that list as I am one. Not that I couldn't take it.

snork @ Lenny's Dude looks like a thumb.

Made me immediately think of these thumbs

Woah. For a minute there I thought I was in the wrong humor blog.

OC, I too saw that movie and Tweedledee/dum came to mind.

Also reminds me of THIS dude.

Siouxie, that is a scary picture.

NC: Not only wouldn't they make Blazing Saddles today, but when you see it on TV (even cable) they change half the words to make it sanitary.

BEST. WESTERN. MOVIE. EVER.

I still crack up during the classic fart scene. (of course I own this dvd)

Pssssst...cindy?? I think pool dude is single ;P

Boy, if that photo isn't a kick in the pants about losing weight, I don't know what is. Especially since the dude reminds me of myself. I'm not there, yet, but if I don't watch out I could be.

Thanks for thinking of me, Siouxie, but I'm more interested in the one we spoke about on email, iykwim. I also have the DVD of Blazing Saddles. My favorite part is when they are going through the desert and run into the toll booths. They were bad guys but they were honest since they went back and got a "sh#tload of dimes".

NC, I could never poke fun at freckled redheads. You see, I have this weakness...

Siouxie, are you sure that's not a photo of a manatee coming up for air?

Booking Agent: Name?
Arresting Officer: George
BA: Race?
AO: Caucasian
BA: Hair color?
AO: Brunette stubble
BA: Blood Type?
AO: Chubby Hubby

The police lineup was tough enough, where are they going to find a jury of 12 peers?

Fine, the guy is (let's assume) a compulsive eater. Does that give him the right to be a scam artist/lawbreaker? I think not.

If he has a problem, let him get some help.

cindy, I got your sh!tlo@d of dimes for the William J. Le Petomane toll booth right here.

Thanks Jeff. Here's a laurel, and hardy handshake.

Classic Steven Wright: "Went to a restaurant called Bulimia's. The line for the toilets were amazing!"

If they ever remake "The Addams Family", I've found th perfect person to play Pugsley.

(And that show started in 1964? Eeeep!)

At first I thought his eyes were too close together. Then I realized it was that his cheeks were too far apart.

And nursecindy, I'm pretty sure he's not single. He's at least a triple.

Whose turn is it to pay for this guy's electric wheelchair and diabetes medications?

He looks like a thumb! Cracked me up! This guy seriously needs gastric bypass...

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