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April 21, 2010

CSI: ORFORDVILLE

In a string of recent burglaries, thieves have targeted dairy farmers to steal a valuable commodity: bull semen.

Key investigative quote: “I can’t believe it’s terribly widespread or we would have caught wind of it.”

(Thanks to padraig)

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I would like to take this opportunity to tell the very large bull in the pasture across the road from my house that he has NOTHING to worry about with me. No sir! As I'm writing this he is looking at my house through the very flimsy looking fence.

nursecindy,
Does he have that 'look' in his eye?

High end cows....HAR!

Don't give the large bull any ideas billinbossier. In fact I've changed my dinner menu from hamburgers to chicken.

Perhaps the thieves are just confused about the milking process.

What a bunch of bull.....

LET POST = POST + 1;

cindy, the big, ummmm, male cow juice extraction company is just up the road from me up here in cheese country. (American Breeders Service, or just ABS. Their signboards along I-90/94 are legendary.)

What I'm gettin' at here is, if you're on friendly terms with that bull across the street, and can get hold of some liquid nitrogen, you could help the ABS boys alleviate their shortage and pick up a little spare cash, too!

I could pick up some extra money, sneaking under the neighbor's fence.

On the other hand (HAR!), I could just adjust to economic realities. Decisions, decisions; White Gold, or less black and blue?

Sorry Padraig. If ABS is counting on me then they are SOL, iykwim.

The guys in the cow-breeding biz
Can't conceive who the semen thief is.
Everyone knows it's dumb
When you bet on the come.
How much gain can there be fencing jizz?

The rustlers weren't up for a battle,
and they didn't escape in the saddle.
Their illegal biz
was stealing the jizz,
of heirloom producing cattle.

*snork* Ford79! Great minds, etc.

*sitting ovation*@Great Minds!

(although, "...bet on the come" deserves a special award, for merit)

Semen Thieves? As Dave would say, there is nothing lower.

late 2 the party, judi, but i'll try:

Thinkin' about my cow babe, Hil
'Workin' It' on her treadmill
Makes me wanna Jizz
(if you know what jizz is...)
I'm her #1 bullsh!tter, Bill.

They're not gonna rest until the cow come's home.

*Mind-meld kudos to Messrs. 79 & mot*

There's no denying it, these thieves have spunk.

Will this story have a happy ending??

Talk about yer money shot.

I used to know a guy who would try to get dates by saying he was a certified artificial inseminator (no bull). The line didn't work -- on humans, anyway.

For some in the dairy business, having their bull semen stolen would be the last straw.

In unrelated news, bull costumes are on back order.

OT (sort of)

Check out new video clips on the DC UPDATE thread.

/OT (sort of)

Reminds me of the story in one of James Herriot's later books about his misadventures attempting to collect bull semen.

*snork* @ Horace.

Roy: Hey, I hope you don't mind, I got up a little early, so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, it took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one, whew.
[Takes a drink from the bucket]
Mr. Boorg: We don't have a cow. We have a bull.
Roy: I'm gonna brush my teeth.

There was a maritime personal injury lawyer in Hawaii who used to distribute condoms at wharfside bars with her advertising on the wrapper: "Saving seamen the old fashioned way".

Wisconsin police are hard on the trail of these culprits. Thanks, Pad-- I get all nostalgic hearing names like Orfordville.

When somebody steals something from you, it's just wrong.

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